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The Pit of Despair

For real, behold The World’s Worst Poem About Mesut Ozil

I’m seriously not joking. But you can snap your fingers in approval as you read this to make me feel better about myself.

Arsene Wenger plays Russian roulette

It goes predictably haywire

Alexis out, Özil, Ramsey, Mustafi doubts for Leicester City

The Gunners aren’t starting the season off with a clean bill of health.

Dear Hector Bellerin: Don’t move to Barcelona and become a tax dodger

Trust me, you will earn enough at Arsenal while maintaining your morals (and spotless criminal record)

I Will Remember You: Mesut Özil Remix

Saturday could be the last match in red and white for the German playmaker.

Details surrounding Wayne Rooney's Sunday night

The Short Fuse can exclusively report on how Wayne Rooney got to the point that Jose Mourinho's now furious at him and the English FA over his behavior.

Arsene Wenger shares his favorite recipe

Who knew the boss loves a good kitchen session?

Bad Opinions from Chelsea fans about Luiz, Arsenal

It's OK to admit your club panicked and bought David Luiz. But there's no need to cover up that fact and get defensive over it.

Arsenal to sign noted superstar Crystal Ball

After not being able to foresee yet another injury, Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger will splash the cash on the ultimate transfer window prize.

I interviewed Humber and Atom, Alexis's dogs

Yep.

Ombudsman's Corner: Year End Review

I will take a look at what has happened since my appointment and make recommendations for the future.

Arsene Wenger asked by FA to expand doping comment

After insinuating that the sport is rife with doping, The FA has asked the Arsenal boss to explain his opinions in further detail

A breakdown of all the Arsenal moves today

All the activity from today, dissected here for you.

Arsenal considering unorthodox midfield solution

Get your checkbook out, buddy.

Featured Fanshot

MYSTERY UNCOVERED!

Poll: How many defenders should Arsenal have?

It's the age-old question that needs a grounded public opinion.

The moments following the final whistle

You'll never guess what happened after the two managers ignored each other on the pitch following the end of the match

Stan Kroenke discloses info about the £3m fee

Facing mounting pressure from minority shareholders, Kroenke opens up about the background of the infamous fee

Arsene Wenger's Slump Buster

For the first time in his Arsenal career, manager Arsene Wenger attempts a highly-controversial method at getting his team out of a slump

The Corsican and the Negotiation

When all else fails and you have nothing else to rely on, the best person for the job is also the riskiest

Former Arsenal Player Can Solve Midfield Crisis

A former Arsenal player could be the solution to their midfield crisis

The Medical Center

On my journey into the land of pain, we arrive at the entry of the Arsenal rehabilitation center

Jose Mourinho welcomes Cesc Fabregas to Chelsea

The Chelsea manager called his new signing to congratulate him on his move to the club

The Dumbest Thing Ever Created Is Dead

An obituary for something that doesn't deserve it.

He in his madness prays for storms

A story of the day that I discovered that Carlos Vela might be returning to Arsenal

Solving Arsenal's Injury Crisis

Arsenal, of course, are always in an injury crisis. This is one solution.

Donate to a worthy cause today!

There's a special cause that's needing your assistance; will you be the person to help out?

Meet Spendy McWarchester!

The Short Fuse introduces the newest member of our team.

der Rabe

Our man Zito spits poetry and channels his inner Drake with his introspective look back at Mesut Ozil's return from injury

Hello, Hipster!

In which our intrepid hero discovers something about himself he never knew existed.

Arsene Wenger responds to Jose Mourinho

The Arsenal manager responds in a very unconventional way to The Special One

Will Some New Transfer Rumors Cheer You Up?

Arsenal.com seems to think so. Learn who might displace Kim Kallstrom as Arsenal's newest signing.