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Arsenal rumored to sign noted superstar Crystal Ball

After not being able to foresee yet another injury, Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger will splash the cash on the ultimate transfer window prize.

Gareth Copley/Getty Images

Following Gabriel's ankle injury in yesterday's 3-2 victory over league rivals Manchester City, Arsene Wenger appears to be reacting quickly to the loss by shelling out £69 on the indisputable superstar of soccer, Crystal Ball:

"I may have little bit madness for you. I do not know Crystal Ball, but I have been made aware of Ball's ability to tell me when my players will get hurt," Wenger said this morning while getting a coffee with someone's recently divorced wife and kids in tow.

"Manchester United rightly feel good about signing Paul Pogba. But they do not know if Pogba will break his ankle in a friendly versus their crosstown rival. Maybe if we sign Crystal Ball, again whom I do not know, we can feel better about our chances this year."

Wenger then offered the reporter a coy smile and then passionately kissed the recently-divorced wife while grabbing her back side, after which he reached into his wallet and gave his new girlfriend's kids his credit card and told them they could buy all the things their dad hasn't let them in the past.