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The Transfer Window Shuts Loudly: A Spendy McWarchester Interview

TSF sits down with its resident transfer expert to run the rule over the recently completed transfer window.

The only known photo
The only known photo

As you know, TSF has been working to broaden its coverage of all things Arsenal.  In the last couple weeks, we added a fantastic youth team coverage leaderRachael's been killing it with ladies team coverage since earlier this year, and TSF is better for both of their presences here. Another addition this summer was our very own transfer window specialist, a gentleman of leisure who had to be coaxed away from his hideaway in Richard Branson's cabana boy's house on Necker Island to write for us - our very own Spendy McWarchester.

In addition to dropping by the comments every now and again, Spendy had his regular "Spendy Wednesday" column, in which he discussed the week's Arsenal transfer dealings and rumors, and now that transfer season is mercifully, blessedly over, we thought it'd be a good time to sit down with Spendy and get his thoughts about Arsenal's summer dealings.

TSF: Spendy, thanks for taking time out of your busy day to chat with us.  I know it's the off season for your polo club, so you've probably got a lot on your plate what with horse and rider acquisition and all, and we appreciate the chance to catch up a bit.

SMcW: It is my pleasure!  I always love talking about quality and luxury, and Arsenal seem to be awash in both, although I do notice a rather, shall we say, downscale brand of uniform manufacturer these days in London.  I mean, really, Arsene - doesn't Prada do soccer shirts? Can't you outfit your team with John Varvatos boots? Would it kill you to buy your players some cashmere socks? Those garish colors are so...1997.

TSF: OK then, let's get down to business. And speaking of business, Arsenal did a fair amount this summer, wouldn't you say?

SMcW: Oh, they did indeed maketh with the rain.  Much like my last trip to Dubai, where I bought a couple Maseratis, a diamond-encrusted water bowl for my dog, Caviar, and just to be frivolous, a scale model of the Burj al-Arab Hotel, my favorite vacation destination, made entirely from platinum. What?  Oh, Arsenal. Yes, yes, they did some great business this summer, capped off by the purchase of Danny Welbeck from his previous employers, which the pictures appear to show as a Chevrolet dealership, I believe?

TSF: Well, the club did do a few other deals this summer, what did you think of those?

SMcW: Arsenal shopped this summer the way that my nanny took me shopping when I was a teen. They had a list, they went to whatever the equivalent of Saks Fifth Avenue is for human sports players, they filled their basket with things from that list, and had the valet carry the purchases to the car when they were done.  I don't know whether Arsenal were taken out to Carvel afterwards for a treat, but I do know that Fudgie The Whale is a much better treat when topped with Cartier gold flakes, so I hope they did that. Such fun!

TSF: That sounds like...something. Back to the question - what did you think of the new signings?

SMcW: Arsenal are now a very deluxe team, like my family's Maybach.  But also like the Maybach, the upholstery could use a refresh; Arsenal bought several square yards of quality calfskin leather for the seats, but it seems like they could have used some durable canvas just in case it rains and they want to protect their seats when those dirty, wet passengers get in the car. I will say that buying foreign goods is always a sign of quality, so this Alexis Sanchez fellow with his eight figure price tag has to be, like when I bought my own Caribbean island last week, the buy of the summer! The rain, it was made! No, seriously, I paid someone to make it rain just because I wanted to see what my island would look like after a rainstorm.

TSF: Well, Spendy, that's about all we have time for today; I know you have to get back to the polo grounds for your off season work. Thank you so much for taking the time to chat today, and I hope your polo schedule allows for us to talk to you again in January!

SMcW: Thank you! It's been a pleasure writing for you this summer, and I hope by next year you will have done some much needed upgrading to your office suite. I mean, from a distance it LOOKS like custom made Eames furniture, but up close you can see that it's really basically shiny plastic stretched over an old futon. If you want it to rain, TSF, you have to maketh it so! Bye!