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Here at The Short Fuse, we take our responsibility as The Voice Of Reason For All Things Arsenal very, very seriously. It's almost a sacred trust with us. We try, day and night, night and day, to be as serious and as analytical as we can about what is happening with Arsenal, because we know you, our beloved reader(s), deserve nothing but the best.
In service of that goal, in the past we've rolled out SBN Platinum, Gold, and Silver; we've acquired a TSF jet (available currently to staff only, but may be rolled out to Platinum users for free and Gold/Silver users at a modest charge as space warrants in the future), and we have demonstrated conclusively through our writing that not only a Golden Corral but a park (or a park bench) has a vital place on the current Arsenal team. That's the kind of insight and analysis that the LAMESTREAM MEDIA can only dream of.
As you know, it's getting towards the end of the season, which means it's getting towards the start of transfer season. For some, transfer season is like Christmas, their birthday, Arbor Day, and National Pharmacist Day all rolled in to one package of summer-long awesomeness. For others? Not so much, but we don't care about them today!
Over the last season or, let's say, five, we keep hearing about Arsenal's "transfer warchest" or some such thing, and today, The Short Fuse is proud to introduce the newest member of the Short Fuse...family isn't even a strong enough word. Cult? Cadre? I don't know, but he's brand new. As you know, everything sporting these days has a mascot - Arsenal have Gunnersaurus:
the New Orleans Pelicans have this...thing that will haunt your dreams:
and even tournaments have adorable mascots, like USA 94's:
via fe867b.medialib.glogster.com
So we figured the 2014 transfer summer needed similar treatment. In keeping with that branding strategy spirit, The Short Fuse is proud to introduce you to Spendy McWarchester, the official mascot of the 2014 Transfer Window! Take a bow, Mr. McWarchester:
It's our hope that you'll take Mr. McWarchester into your hearts and homes and lives as much as we have - he'll be a vital part of our transfer window coverage this summer. He's got two hands full of money to spend, two big ears for hearing all the rumors to be heard, and two eyes to see through all the crap and get to the TROOF.
Remember, kids, as we go through this summer's transfer dramas - when you see McWarchester, it's McSerious.
EDITORS' NOTE:
You may have seen some allusions earlier to a "Chesty McSpenderton." What happened there is that Spendy's online account got hacked and his identity got stolen by a Lithuanian crime syndicate who use fake stripper names to hide their stolen goods. Spendy consulted the FIB and police, and we are all happy to report that his identity has been restored to its original glory.