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Wenger to splash coins at Manchester United midfielder?

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The Arsenal board will apparently hand over £70 million to Arsene Wenger this summer. His first target, according to the Metro, is, um, interesting.

Michael Regan

Here's your daily reminder that sometimes when you reach back and snag that turd out the toilet, it's probably best to just let it float down the sewer slide instead of chucking it up against the wall.

The Metro is going with a bit of, shall we say, "gripping, enthralling" news that Arsenal will hand over a significant war chest, to the tune of £70 million, and that the Frenchman is targeting...Tom Cleverley with his first purchase:

Arsene Wenger is ready to sign a new contract at Arsenal after being handed a £70million transfer war chest – with Manchester United’s Tom Cleverley among his targets.

...

Indeed, the Daily Mirror reports that among Arsenal’s key targets this summer is… Cleverley of United, who is tipped to leave Old Trafford this summer.

Oh, the Daily Mirror article they're referencing?  This one, where it barely contains a mention of Cleverley:

However, Wenger is in no doubt that he is staying put in north London and could be handed a £70million war-chest to spend this summer.

As many as five signings are being lined up, including a big name striker, midfield general and a new right back, to replace the outgoing Bacary Sagna.

The Gunners are interested in Bayern Munich's Mario Mandzukic and Real Sociedad's Antoine Griezmann, while Wenger is also said to be keeping tabs on Tom Cleverley.

So, yeah.  Move along folks.  There's nothing here to get too excited about, unless you want your daily dose of laughter.