So, About Those Cesc Fabregas Rumors

Arsenal, apparently armed to the teeth with a £70m transfer bankroll this summer, missed out on one of their reported targets in Mario Goetze last week when it was revealed the German international was joining Bayern Munich. It only took a couple days for the next big name to surface in the rumor sections of the UK rags, and the name this time has a bit of history with us. The Daily Star, which is more known for their publication of topless women than it is their accurate, hard-hitting soccer journalism, was the first to report this past Saturday that there's a chance that former midfielder, and Aidan Gibson crush, Cesc Fabregas could be a target for Arsene Wenger as early as this summer. There were some other words they typed up, but I got distracted and clicked on the Babes section a couple sentences in.

However, as the initial thought of "WHOOO HOOOO BOOBS" and "yeah right, Holmes" slowly faded away which allowed me to analyze this rumor a touch more, I started to think about the reasons why such a move would occur only two years removed from his prolonged and highly-public transfer to Barcelona. I'll attempt to do this in writing.

Why Cesc Fabregas will move to Arsenal this summer:

He loves the club and holds an affection for Arsene Wenger only rivaled by Thierry Henry. He isn't getting playing time at Barcelona. He didn't fully realize that the tactics at Barcelona, informally-known as "OPERATION GET MESSI THE BALL AND GET OUT OF THE WAY", would hinder his career. He wants to raise his new daughter in London. A company Fabregas owns recently put in an offer to buy a £5.4m flat in London, possibly for his baby momma and his daughter and, presumably, for him if he moves to a particular club in London. He'll have satisfied his thirst for a trophy by lifting the La Liga silverware this season. He has to share space on the bench with Alex Song. Arsenal hold a first refusal option on Fabregas, who might be surplus to requirements at Barcelona as they look to bring in Brazilian forward Neymar this summer and don't exactly have the sort of cash laying around to fund it without first selling players already on the books. Since he's left, Wenger has added two fellow Spanish internationals, Santi Cazorla and Nacho Monreal, that will help fill table spots for tapas before heading out for the night. And, last, because Arsene Wenger is secretly wetting his pants at the thought of Fabregas and Aaron Ramsey playing behind a healthy Jack Wilshere, who is flanked on either side with Cazorla and Theo Walcott.

Why Cesc Fabregas will not move to Arsenal this summer:

Fabregas is 25 years old, which in Arsene Wenger transfer target years is roughly 62, at least for transfer targets that don't have a reported £35m price tag on his head. Fabregas loves being back home, around his family, and enjoys being a part of a team that can, in any given year, win the Champions League. Arsenal don't have £70m in the transfer kitty, which means Wenger must prioritize and make bargain buys for areas in much greater need than the midfield. He doesn't want to be back in London, now that his girlfriend is involved in bitter divorce proceedings with her ex-husband, who lives in the capital city. Wenger's long-term succession plan for Mikel Arteta is Aaron Ramsey and, say, Etienne Capoue or Geoffrey Kondogbia, both who'd be cheaper than Fabregas and would free up cash to get other reinforcements in. And, last, Cesc has already "been there, done that" with Arsenal and, while he loved his time at the club, he wants a new challenge before it's too late.