Monday Cannon Fodder: weekend in review

It was a weekend of hat tricks in the Premier League. Nothing major happened to shift the narratives around clubs (in my book), although there were some surprising, eye-opening results. The top of the table is going to spread out and thin out after the international break.

Luton Town 1 - West Ham 2
The Hatters are not good. They don’t belong in the Premier League, honestly. They legitimately could challenge Derby County’s worst PL season ever.

Sheffield United 2 - Everton 2
Everton are not as bad as their record suggests. Sheffield are.

Manchester City 5 - Fulham 1
City were given a leg up in the match by a few favorable decisions. They would have won anyway, but they don’t need any help, PGMOL. Erling Haaland scored a hat trick. I’m shocked.

Chelsea 0 - Nottingham Forest 1
Chelsea look an absolute mess. They spent so much money and their football looks disjointed. Poch may be able to pull something together eventually, but it’s going to take a while. They’ve somehow taken a step back from last season.

Burnley 2 - Tottenham 5
Still don’t believe in Spurs. They’re going to ship three or four goals to the first quality side they play, and they’re going to find it much more difficult to score. Son scored a hat trick. He looks annoyingly back in form after injuries slowed him last year.

Brentford 2 - Bournemouth 2
Bryan Mbeumo scored in the 93rd minute after the Cherries had taken a 2-1 lead in the 77th minute. A 2-2 draw at home is a disappointing result for Thomas Frank’s side after taking a 1-0 lead in the 7th minute.

Brighton 3 - Newcastle 1
The Seagulls are good, but we knew that from last season. I’m feeling pretty good about my prediction that Newcastle were going to come back down to earth a bit from their improbably successful campaign last season. Evan Ferguson scored a hat trick. He has been linked with a move to Arsenal this coming summer.

Crystal Palace 3 - Wolves 2
Wolves scored in the 96th minute to make the scoreline look more respectable. Palace, despite losing the possession battle, fired 11 shots on target to Wolves’ 4. Roy Hodgson’s side are a frisky bunch. That was a quality win for the Gunners.

Liverpool 3 - Aston Villa 0
Unai Emery, baby. Aston Villa will be the flat-track bullies of this Premier League season. They’ve got more quality than most of the PL chaff, but they can’t hang with the top clubs. So congrats on your 7th or 8th place finish, I guess.

Dominik Szoboszlai looks a real player. Darwin Nunez is still getting chances like he did last season. I don’t think Liverpool are at the level that Arsenal and Manchester City were last year, but they’re the third or fourth best team in the Premier League alongside Brighton.