clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Friday Cannon Fodder: strange sentences

One of the unfortunate sides to being Very Online is that there are sentences that you understand perfectly that you really could have done without ever seeing. Sentences in which none of the words are in the Bible. Our world is getting stranger by the day, and sometimes it seems as if the internet is playing Mad Libs, testing the limits of nonsensical combinations of words.

For example: British billionaire submarine passenger’s son criticized for attending Blink-182 concert, flirting with OnlyFans creators.

That is a selection of words that when put together form a sentence. Can’t you see the Mad Lib? (Nationality) (adjective) (mode of transportation) passenger’s son (verb) for attending (event), (verb ends in -ing) with (noun). You could pick just about any combination to fill in those blanks and get about as coherent of a sentence.

Try this one on for size: Qatari Investment Authority is buying a minority stake in Washington Wizards and Capitals parent company Monumental Sports and Entertainment.

To be fair, this one is much more comprehensible, but it’s still an indicator of how dramatic the shift in our sports landscape has been over the last 3-5 years and the rapid acceleration of that change in the last 12-18 months. The World Cup, the LIV golf saga, this summer’s Saudi spending spree, just to name a few — all instances of sovereign wealth built on oil exports forcing its way into the sports landscape.

The pinnacle of recent internet word salad came from SBNation, admittedly in a parody piece. But still. It takes the cake.

Is Baby Gronk the new Drip King, or is he just getting rizzed up by Livvy?

Without reading post, I knew exactly what that sentence meant. I’ve not had a better indication recently that I’ve made a fair few mistakes in some critical life decisions that have led me to this point.

Happy Friday, TSF.