Tuesday Cannon Fodder: Premier League recap, MW 9

It’s Tuesday. Premier League Matchweek 9 is in the books. Looking back over the results, things went pretty close to chalk for the weekend. But let’s recap anyways.

Newcastle 5 - Brentford 1
Probably the most surprising result of the weekend because of the Bees shipping five. They remind me of Everton about a decade ago — good enough to give anyone a game on their day, but also capable of dropping some real stinkers. They played as if they’d never seen a football before, hardly recognizable. Also, how did the big Premier League clubs let Bruno Guimaraes go to Newcastle without putting up a fight?

Bournemouth 2 - Leicester 1
Runner-up for most surprising result of the weekend, but maybe I need to significantly re-calibrate my view on the Foxes. There is something seriously wrong at that club. For what it’s worth, per Scott Willis’ model, Bournemouth are the team most overperforming team at the moment. He’s got them 18th-best in the PL, and they’re currently 9th in the table.

Manchester City 4 - Southampton 0
Ho hum. A bit surprised Erling Haaland only scored a solitary goal against the Saints. Also, Southampton at the Etihad strikes me as a fantastic time for Haaland to have gotten some rest, especially with an away Champions League fixture today.

Chelsea 3 - Wolves 0
Wolves still stink. Christian Pulisic got his first start in a while and responded with a goal for Graham Potter. It’s annoying that Chelsea sacked Thomas Tuchel. They’re going to be a better, more competitive at the top of the table team for it.

Brighton 0 - Tottenham 1
Spurs had 41% possession, took 8 shots to the Seagulls’ 14, and generated .77 xG compared to .9 xG. I’m glad I didn’t watch this match. Harry Kane scored for Tottenham, further cementing them in the “getting by on the strength of elite attackers rather than consistent play” category. That’ll get them somewhere, but I think Spurs’ supporters aren’t going to be happy with where that is.

West Ham 3 - Fulham 1
Two Premier League wins on the bounce, are the Hammers finally starting to wake up from their start-of-the-season doldrums? Gianluca Scamacca scored again. I’m given to understand that it’s good when your marquee addition at striker scores goals, especially when he started the season ice cold.

Crystal Palace 2 - Leeds United 1
An important win for Patrick Vieira’s bunch, who after giving Arsenal a tough go to start the season, have struggled. Goals from Odsonne Edouard and Eberechi Eze for the Eagles and Pascal Struijk for Jesse Marsch’s bunch.

Everton 1 - Manchester United 2
Alex Iwobi scored a wondergoal 5 minutes in to give the Toffees an early lead, but Antony got United back on level terms 10 minutes later. #7 scored his 700th club goal or something. I try to pay as little attention to him as possible.

Nottingham Forest 1 - Aston Villa 1
How much longer of a leash does Steven Gerrard have at Villa? That team should be better than they’re showing. They’ve certainly invested such that the owners likely expect more. They look disjointed and identity-less. If you ask “how does Gerrard want his side to play,” I’m not sure you’d get clear, consistent answers from any random sampling of five Premier League pundits.