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Monday Cannon Fodder: resolutions

Times Square New Year’s Eve 2022 Celebration Photo by Alexi Rosenfeld/ Getty Images

Happy New Year TSF! The first CF of the year basically writes itself because I can make it all about resolutions and looking ahead to the new year. So that’s what we’re going to do. Sorta. We’re also going to have some fun with it.

Regardless of when the year turns or when you start working towards a goal, it’s important to have them, especially personal ones. Take care of yourself, look out for yourself, and put yourself first. You are by far the most likely person in your life to make yourself the top priority, even with loving and caring people around you.

If you haven’t set goals for this year yet, that’s fine. If your “best” idea for a resolution doesn’t hit you until February or even later, that’s fine too. It’s not a failure to not have started working towards something on January 1st. The failure is letting that defeat you and not starting at all. And if you look back at the end of the year and haven’t accomplished everything, that’s more than fine too. Be kind to yourself, you’re doing your best.

Now for the fun part. Let’s set some resolutions for Arsenal and for the players. They can be serious or humorous. For example:

  • Aaron Ramsdale resolved to open a 401K to deposit the loose change thrown at him by opposing supporters.
  • Gabriel Magalhaes resolved to fund dental school scholarships in Brazil and North London.
  • “Hollister” Calum Chambers resolved to give a bit more attention to his burgeoning modeling career. Hector Bellerin is going to help him.
  • Mikel Arteta resolved to finally start that line of hair care products. Cal Chambers and Hector Bellerin promised to help him. Rob Holding is offended he wasn’t considered.
  • Pablo Mari resolved to ensure that Arsenal fans actually remember he exists and is at the club this year.

Please continue my attempt at humor in the comments (and please re-use and find better jokes for the players I already have). Also, please do share your personal, serious resolutions if you’re so inclined!