Monday Cannon Fodder: Premier League weekend scoreboard

Brighton & Hove Albion 2 - Manchester United 3
A lot has been said about United receiving dodgy penalties. The winner, scored via penalty in the 100th minute, was not one of them, although you could question why the match was still going on 10 minutes beyond full time. The Seagulls “deserved” a result from this one — they played quite well. Harry Maguire’s opener should have been disallowed; he committed two fouls on the set piece.

Crystal Palace 1 - Everton 2
Dominic Calvert-Lewin scored his 5th league goal in the opening three matches, but that will be overshadowed by the “handball” given against Joel Ward that gave the Toffees the winner. IFAB and the FA remain undefeated in changing the laws in ways that don’t make any sense to the footballing public and only serve to make things worse. The handball rule is an absolute mess right now.

West Bromwich Albion 3 - Chelsea 3
3-0 to the Baggies at halftime, 3-3 at full time thanks to a Tammy Abraham 93rd minute equalizer. Some might say Kai Havertz committed a foul in the buildup.

Burnley 0 - Southampton 1
Danny Ings scored the only goal in yet another game marred by goals VAR’ed out for offside and a penalty controversy. I think Rebecca Lowe got it right on her Instagram story over the weekend. Penalties used to feel special in football, now they’re commonplace, and the game is worse off for it.

Sheffield United 0 - Leeds United 1
Patrick Bamford’s 88th minute header earned Leeds their second win back in the Premier League. Sheffield’s carriage has completely turned into a pumpkin at this point. They look far off the side that started out last season so brightly.

Tottenham Hotspur 1 - Newcastle United 1
Remember all I just said about penalties not feeling special anymore and the handball rule being bolluxed? Just forget all that here; when it goes against Spurs, it doesn’t count. Callum Wilson scored a 97th minute penalty equalizer on another questionable VAR’ed handball call.

Manchester City 2 - Leicester City 5
Jamie Vardy scored a hat trick, helped by two penalties, as the Foxes smashed the Cityzens. Pep and his players can miss me with all their whining about Leicester sitting back and not coming out to play football. They put five past you. Be quiet. Oh no! Your opponents used tactics? How dare they? Crybabies.

West Ham 4 - Wolves 0
As I wrote preseason, West Ham are good for one or two shocking results against a top third team a season. This was one of those. Not going to read anything into this result.

Matchweek Three wraps up with Fulham vs. Aston Villa at 12:45 PM ET on Peacock, and Arsenal at Liverpool at 3 PM ET, also on Peacock.