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Are Arsenal in for Leo Messi?

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The answer probably won’t surprise you.

Barcelona v Bayern Munich - UEFA Champions League Quarter Final Photo by Manu Fernandez/Pool via Getty Images

No.

“But what about...”

No. Stop. Never going to happen. Arsenal don’t have burofax.

I’m sure you all saw the shocking (or maybe not so shocking) news today that Leo Messi wants out of Barcelona. The writing has been on the wall for a while. Messi has not hidden his displeasure with the club’s roster construction the past few years, and it looks as if he’s finally had enough.

Barcelona have confirmed that Messi has told them he wants to leave, but it may not be that simple. Messi reportedly had a clause in his contract that allowed him to unilaterally opt-out at the end of this season that he still believes is in effect until the end of August because of the extended season. Barcelona believe that the clause expired in June, as written in the contract. There will be lawyers.

Regardless, he’ll almost certainly be wearing new colors next season, but it won’t be Arsenal red. Do you really think the best player in the world, at 33 years old, is going to join a club in the Europa League? A club slated by some to finish outside the Champions League places again? If you do, I’ve got some fabulous oceanfront property in Arizona to sell you.

Also, the Gunners can’t afford him, even on a free.

According to oddsmakers, Manchester City are the favorites to sign Messi — a reunion with Pep Guardiola makes sense. Inter Milan are second favorite, PSG third, with Manchester United and Liverpool also in the mix.

The transfer window just got a whole lot spicier (for other clubs). But seriously, Messi moving will have ripple effects across the market.

But please don’t @ us with Messi to Arsenal rumors. We will roast you for them. You have been warned.