According to a report, the Premier League is set to allow walk-on music for subs and for players to pick their own goal songs. It’s a really good thing that Arsenal are coming back tomorrow. I’ve clearly lost it. Someone come save me from these internet rabbit holes. I’ve been swallowed by memes.
(Please, I beg you, realize I’m not being serious here)
David Luiz - Yakety Sax: because you know when he comes on, there’s about to be some clownshoes defending.
Shkodran Mustafi - Big Enough: because this is pretty much my reaction to everything he does on the football pitch.
Sokratis - this particular version of All Star: because his defensive mistakes...DON’T STOP COMING!
Hector Bellerin - Kiss from a Rose: because I can just see him vibing to this song. Stay for the Batman cross-promotion.
Kieran Tierney - What Does the Fox Say: because we don’t actually know anything about him; he’s been hurt virtually the entire time he’s been at the club.
Sead Kolasinac - Africa: because are YOU going to tell him he can’t use this song because it might not fit his aesthetic?
Granit Xhaka - Shooting Stars: because when his mark runs beyond him and he doesn’t even turn his head, this song plays in mine.
Bukayo Saka - My Heart Will Go On (recorder version): because when Arsenal don’t give him a new contract, my heart definitely will not go on.
Cedric Soares - Never Gonna Give You Up: because he’s not actually at Arsenal. It’s just an elaborate rick-roll from the club.
Lucas Torreira - Stereo Saiyan: because have you seen what he’s coming out of lockdown looking like? Dude definitely did go Super Saiyan. This is a deeper cut meme song, for the true connoisseur.
Mesut Ozil - Careless Whisper: because this is how it hits when that pass is inch-perfect.
Matteo Guendouzi - Kazoo Kid: because it just fits.
Nicolas Pepe - Take On Me: because he likes to “TAKE GUYS ONNNNNNN”
Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang - Epic Sax Guy: because Aubameyang is awesome and so is this video/song. Eurovision forever.
Bernd Leno - Peanut Butter Jelly Time: because he comes across as so reserved and serious that he should have something wacky.
Gabriel Martinelli - Photograph: because I had to.
Alexandre Lacazette - Badger, Badger, Badger: because do I really need a reason at this point?
This post is a cry for help. The internet is a very strange place.