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The dream Arsenal Fortnite squad

Where we dropping?

Paris Games Week 2018 At Porte De Versailles In Paris : Press Day At Porte De Versailles In Paris Photo by Chesnot/Getty Images

With team personnel self-isolating and the Premier League on hiatus, Arsenal players suddenly have a lot of free time on their hands. Sure, they could spend some of it training like Dani Ceballos and Sead Kolasinac shared on Twitter, but you can only workout for so long.

Sidenote: check out the picture Kolasinac posted — it’s extremely on-brand that he has a particularly jacked, life-sized Batman figure with a battle rope around it’s neck in his home gym. That said, as the Bosnian Hulk, he’s got a bit of comic book universe confusion there, but I’m definitely not going to be the one to tell him. That might make him angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.

Anyway. The left back also shared some of his leisure activities from the weekend. He streamed Fortnite on his personal Twitch.tv channel with Mesut Özil and a professional gamer from the German’s esports team, M10 ESPORTS, on Saturday. The pair teamed up again on Sunday with Julian Draxler for a charity stream on Özil’s channel with the proceeds going to Big Shoe. Özil has worked with the charity for years, first teaming up with them during the 2014 World Cup to cover the costs of surgeries for 11 children in-need and has continued to help pay for medical procedures all over the world.

I’m not going to analyze their Fortnite gameplay, at least not yet. The longer the league is suspended, the more likely that becomes. But their streams did get me thinking about which three Arsenal players with whom I’d most like to squad-up (Fortnite is played in teams of four). I haven’t selected my team based on who I think would get me the most Victory Royales. I say “get me” because I’ve only played the game a few times, and I’m terrible at it. As an older millennial, the whole shooting AND building thing is too much for me. Instead, I’ve picked based on fun because, well, video games are supposed to be fun.

  • Mesut Özil - the obvious choice. I’ve watched a bit of him playing: his building is quick, he’s pretty good with a sniper rifle. I’d bet he’s the best Fortnite player at Arsenal. And even when you’re going for fun, every squad needs a carry.
  • Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang - he’s 100% the guy on your squad who wants to rocket-ride teammates and try trickshots. I’m not sure he’d be any good at it, but he’d definitely be laughing the entire time.
  • Rob Holding - Bobby Sacramento is the only guy on the Arsenal roster that might understand and enjoy my American culture based humor.

There were a few guys close to making the cut but not quite dream-squad material.

  • Héctor Bellerín - given his Renaissance-man status, I don’t think he spends much time playing video games. But he’d definitely have the best in-game outfit + gun-skin combos and would look the fly-est. Dress for the job you want, right?
  • Shkodran Mustafi - he’s got a great attitude, as evidenced by the class and grace with which he handled all the crap supporters give him, and seems like a fun guy. But he’d definitely do something to get his entire team killed every few games.

Then there were guys that while I’d be happy to meet and chill with, I don’t think I’d want to play Fortnite with them.

  • Sokratis - too serious to play video games.
  • Granit Xhaka - as a new dad, I doubt he’s got much time for gaming, and he seems like the type to break my controller/throw it through the TV in frustration at not being good.
  • Bernd Leno - Me: “We’re playing Fortnite. Why are you wearing gloves, mate?”
    Leno: “I’m a goalkeeper, I wear gloves.”
    Me: “You can barely grip the controller. C’mon, it’s not an aerial ball served into the box.”
    Leno: *puts down controller, walks away*

Sorry for the Bernd Leno slander. Y’all know I love him. Also, I intentionally did not analyze all the guys on the roster. Have at it in the comments.