Friday cannon fodder: Girl Scout cookies

It’s that wonderful time of the year where in front of grocery stores, inside malls, and on street corners around America the Girl Scouts have set up tables to sell those colorful boxes of deliciousness. Yes, cookie season is upon us.

I’ve already secured a box of Samoas/Caramel deLites and Tagalongs/Peanut Butter Patties. Sidenote: who knows those types of cookies by their second names — is it a regional thing?

Because this is the internet and it’s what we do here, I will now provide you with a definitive, 100% accurate power rankings of Girl Scout cookies. Please note: I am right, and if you disagree with me, you are wrong.

1. Samoas: the GOAT and it’s not close. The combination of the chocolate, caramel, coconut in a mostly chewy cookie with just the right amount of crunch always hits the spot.
2. Tagalongs: you really can’t go wrong with peanut butter and chocolate.
3. Caramel Chocolate Chip: chocolate chip cookies are a personal go-to whenever I’m at a bakery, and then you add caramel to spice things up? Yes, please.
4. S’mores (but only the chocolate covered kind): it’s the coating that really makes them. The creme icing inside is good, but I’m all about the chocolate.
5. Thin Mints: I’ve actually surprised myself with how high these have come on my list, because I wasn’t always a thin mint fan. But when somebody introduced me to eating them chilled/frozen...game-changer.
6. Do-si-dos: the creamy-crunchy combo is fine, but there’s not much flavor in the oatmeal cookie, and straight peanut butter gets boring.
7. Thanks-A-Lot: even though these have a chocolate bottom, there isn’t enough chocolate to overcome the plain, boring shortbread cookie top.
8. Toffee-tastic: too much crunch, and toffee isn’t a flavor that does it for me.
9. Lemon-Ups/Lemonades: lemon really isn’t a cookie flavor.
10. Trefoils: just not enough happening with a basic shortbread cookie. It’s as if you took the cookie from the cookie platter that’s always leftover at the end of the party and made a full box of them. No thanks.

I’d be interested to hear where you disagree, and I will happily tell you why you are wrong in the comments. Bring it on.