We take holidays seriously here at The Short Fuse. One of my personal favorites is today — International Talk Like a Pirate Day. It’s mostly my favorite as a Gooner because I support the ARRRRRRSENAL. And, like any good pirate, I love me some Cannon Fodder!

BBC Sport is getting in the mood as well. Do you have any Arrrrsenal specific pirates footballers?

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

Olympiacos 2 - Tottenham 2: Spurs take a page from Arsenal’s book, blow 2-goal lead
Just add it to the pile of evidence that Tottenham Hotspur Football Club are always trying to be Arsenal. So derivative. Also Pochettino described his side as having weak “mentality and will.” You hate to see it.

Shahktar Donetsk 0 - Manchester City 3: ho-hum
The Citizens bounced back from their shocking defeat at Norwich at the weekend to drub the Ukrainian champions. Hell hath no fury like a City side scorned.

Juventus 2 - Atletico Madrid 2: Aaron Ramsey makes his Juve debut
Unfortunately for the former Arsenal man, he came on with 3 minutes to go and Atleti promptly scored to tie the match.

Paris St. Germain 3 - Real Madrid 0: a Parisian shocker
Madrid continued it shaky start to the season with a listless performance in France. Knowing their front office, Zidane could be out any day now. And then they will re-hire him in six months.

Bayern Munich 3 - Red Star Belgrade 0: expected
Goals from Kingsley Coman, Robert Lewandowski, and Thomas Muller had the German side cruising to an easy open to their Champions League campaign. The match featured an Arsenal-esque shot differential: 33 for Bayern, 7 for Red Star. You figure out who is who.

Dinamo Zagreb 4 - Atalanta 0: Mislav Orsic nets a hat trick
Today I learned that both of these clubs are in the Champions League. I also learned that Atalanta does not play nicely with autocorrect.

Bayer Leverkusen 1 - Lokomotiv Moscow 2: away wins don’t come often
Winning away can make a big difference in qualifying out of the group stages, and Moscow did just that. They hadn’t won away in the CL since 2002-03.

Club Brugge 0 - Galatasaray 0: missed chances
The home side had several “can’t miss” chances that, well, they missed. Also, did you know that Falcao plays for Galatasaray now?

NOT CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

VfL Wolfsburg offering free beer to get fans to come to a CL game
So this is still sorta Champions League, but bear with me. The club has only sold 10,000 tickets to next Thursday’s match, in part because shifts at the local VW plant don’t end until after kickoff.

World-class swimmers’ hearts may function differently than runners
Neat. Then again, I don’t think it’s super shocking to discover that elite athletes’ bodies perform differently based on what sport they play.

Reds Pitcher Amir Garrett sprinted off the field after striking out Kyle Schwarber
Some background: Garrett had some beef with the ENTIRE Pittsburgh Pirates team at the end of July. I’d guess he was trying to avoid the same thing with the Cubs. Makes sense. Also Schwarber is a big dude (although Garrett is too) that I wouldn’t want to mess with.