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TSF presents: Valentine’s Day poetry corner

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Roses are red, violets are blue...

Valentine’s Day Favorite Sweethearts Candy Will Be Scarce In 2019
If there were Arsenal talking hearts, what would they say?
Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images

If you haven’t been on the Twitter dot com today, you might have missed that a number of people are riffing on the “Roses are red, violets are blue...” poetic verse. In fact the SBNation Mothership put out a call for variations on the theme.

Ever the creative bunch, we TSF writers flexed our creative muscles and came up with a few of our own. Some of them were funny, some of them dire, and some of them forced in response to our friends over at Cartilage Free Captain. At first, the CFC crew didn’t seem to get it.

To their credit, they took our constructive criticism to heart and came back with a good one. Fortunately, we were prepared with a return salvo of our own.

Travis came up with another good response to CFC, should we need it.

Roses are red
You might be right
But you last won the league
In black and white

This one from Aidan pretty much summed up the BATE Borisov match.

Lacazette saw red
Because he was blue
But let’s give him some cred
Arsenal were poo

Some of the players had odes specifically devoted to them from yours truly (Aaron).

Roses are red
Flowers are to share
Guedouzi’s passing was bad
He’s still got great hair

Roses are red
Trees are wood
I’m kinda concerned
Denis Suarez is no good

Roses are red
Carnations are pink
Sead’s good going forward
But his defense really does stink

Roses are red
Fake flowers are gold
Nobody can argue
Lichtsteiner is old

There seemed to be a common theme of criticizing Unai Emery in the poems offered in Slack. Can’t imagine why that might be.

Travis:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Unai Emery’s playing style
Is a big “eff you”

Tony:

Roses are red
I’m not filled with glee
Emery’s let Ramsey
Walk on a free

Aaron:

Roses are red
These poems are a fad
But I still know
Cutbacks are bad

Also Aaron:

Arsenal were putrid
Their play a bad jape
Next time don’t hire
Budget Severus Snape

Also also Aaron

Roses are red
Leaves grow on a tree
Unai Emery is gonna need more
Than a darn USB

It came as no surprise when Mesut Özil made his way into the verse. First from Aidan, then Aaron, then Tony, then Chrisman.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I miss Mesut Özil
He’s more creative than you

Özil drops Tilted
In the Fortnite game
Unai won’t play him
It’s really quite lame

He’s probably faking
It’s all just a trick
I’m about as rich
As Özil is sick.

The Short Fuse is mad
We’ve lost all hope
Play Mesut, he’s rad
Unai, said nope

Of course, true to form, Aidan had to include Mr. Wenger in one of his poems.

Roses are red
Arsene is blue
Because of this mess
His club walked into

Ownership was not safe from Aaron’s derision.

Roses are red
Soccer pitches are green
Whither Stan Kroenke?
Nowhere to be seen

OR

Roses are red
Pitches are green
It’s beyond time
For Silent Stan to intervene

PDB gave his take on the meme.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Poetry sucks
/ end

That sent things off the rails. Phil went avant-garde.

Roses are Red
I am repetitive

Roses are Red
I am repetitive

Roses are Red
I am repetitive

Roses are Red
I am repetitive

We tried some free verse.

Roses are red
Nothing rhymes with orange
Football is pain
Now is the winter of our discontent

We experimented with acrostic.

Abject
Repulsive
Stinky
Egregious
Nauseating
Atrocious
Lackluster

Ted got absurdist.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Mind the gap
You sad mf’ers

And Aaron got nihilistic.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Arsenal stink
Eat Arby’s

Happy Valentines Day.