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In the room where it happens: Arsenal make offer for Yannick Carrasco

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Belgium v France: Semi Final - 2018 FIFA World Cup Russia Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

[On a cold, blustery, winter day, in a smoky conference room in a beautiful, industrial northern Chinese port city, two large and proud middle-aged men sit across from each other, getting more and more frustrated by the minute]

Dalian President: “我们想要300万美元的贷款费用以及今年夏天购买3500万英镑的选择权.”

Arsenal’s Raul Sanllehi:

Dalian President: “这对你来说是否合理?”

Raul:

Dalian President: “你明白我在说什么吗?”

Raul:

Dalian President: “成还是不成?我没有等待太长时间的回应!”

[a voice, coming from the shadows of the room, rises]

Mysterious Man: “看, err, 我对朋友无知的最深切的歉意.”

Dalian President: “啊!这是原来的法国黑帮老大!啪啪一下!”

Mysterious Man, to Raul: “I got it from here.”

[Mysterious Man turns to Dalian President]

Mysterious Man: 他妈的这个小丑,他是一个门把手失败的鞋子执行官。但是他需要你的比利时边锋,因为基督全能的他的小队是狗屎.”

[Dalian President laughs]: “拍更多的皮肤!”

[Mysterious Man and Dalian President high-five]

Mysterious Man: “如果我答应在你可爱的女儿的婚礼上露面,或者和你的妻子一起跳舞,我们可以在前面做两百万英镑吗?”

Dalian President: “你想要的只是和我妻子一起跳舞吗?我的朋友,我会让你操她的失明,但只有你带一瓶波尔多并穿上超级英雄的服装!”

[Mysterious Man and Dalian President high-five]

Dalian President: “我们得到了一笔交易.”

Mysterious Man to Raul: “You got a little bit Carrasco loan deal. Just remember, even when you least expect it, I am always around...”

Raul:

[Mysterious Man disappears back into the shadows of the room]