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The Shirt Fuse: Arsenal players choose new numbers

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News! Really important news!

Soccer Aid for UNICEF 2018
Oddly enough, nobody picked this number
Photo by Lynne Cameron/Getty Images

People like cotton candy. It’s fluffy, it’s colorful, it’s utterly substance-free, and you forget you had it 30 minutes after it’s gone. Speaking of which, a bunch of Arsenal players have new shirt numbers! This is the kind of hard-hitting news you expect from TSF, I know, and it’s where your subscription dollars go.

Anyway, here’s the news:

Petr Cech is now Arsenal’s number one in more than just metaphor; he is now literally Arsenal’s number one. Yay?

I also like the “notable vacant squad numbers” section. Why are they notable? I mean, four of them are prime numbers, so that’s kind of a thing - why are Arsenal players against prime numbers? If you add five and 19 together, you get 24, so that’s notable? And then you add 24 and five together, and you’re at 29, and before you know it you’re diving headfirst down a numerology rabbit hole that would make Dan Brown all kinds of agitated, so let’s just stop there before we unravel Western civilization.

I can’t wait until the World Cup starts.