Everything’s great! Why this is the best Arsenal season yet

I’ve been hearing a lot of talk lately about how things aren’t going so well at Arsenal lately. Pockets of fans have been all gloom and doom about crazy things like “2-10 to Bayern” and “highest ticket prices in the league” and “losing to West Brom” and something called, I guess, “Wexit” or something. (Is that a supermarket?)

Balderdash and poppycock! For optimistic fans like me, this has been a great year for Arsenal, and I couldn’t ask for much more from the club this season. Here’s a list of reasons why 2016-17 has been especially great for the red half of North London.

Arsene Wenger

Wenger has been in charge of Arsenal for 20 years now, the longest tenure in our history, and he has not disappointed. While one can expect some ups and downs over the course of a managerial career as long as this one, this has been a fantastic season to watch. It’s also clear that Arsene, as he always has, has the Gooner fans wrapped around his little finger. Why, they love him more than ever, even turning up en masse to support him before and after matches and flying planes over the Emirates in his honor!

Photo by Clive Mason/Getty Images

Just look at those smiling, happy faces! Arsene seems to be equally pleased with his situation and looks like he’s content to be pacing the sidelines at the Emirates for many, many, MANY more years to come! Isn’t that fantastic?

Champions League qualification on track

While Premier League titles are fine, Arsenal’s real claim to fame is its current streak of 18 consecutive Champions League qualifications. That’s 18 years of fourth place, and it looks like things are once again on track for the Gunners to get that fourth place trophy and celebrate St. Totteringham’s Day once again this season, if not more! Why, all we have to do is beat Manchester City, Tottenham, Manchester United and Everton and the points will start pouring in! Plus there’s the FA Cup, which Arsenal seems to have completely in the bag this season.

We’ve got our league opponents exactly where we want them. What could possibly go wrong?

The Players are happy

The crowning achievement of Arsenal this season has been the way they’ve been able to keep their squad of talented international superstars happy and firing on all cylinders. Take Alexis Sanchez, for example: a jovial, smiling presence on the pitch, he is playing with a confidence born of a fierce belief in the abilities of his teammates and the tactics of his manager.

Mesut Özil too is keeping his eyes firmly planted on the overall goal of a successful Arsenal season. He’s a player who obviously knows what his role is on the team, and it shows. Why, I expect those two to sign new contracts any day now!

Net spend

Fans talk a lot about spending in the transfer window because everyone wants that great new player to come in and make a difference the way Jack Wilshere has made a difference for Bournemouth this season. Arsenal have certainly spent a lot of money in the transfer windows this year, spending a wonderful £97m including £39m on Granit Xhaka and £35.4m on Shkodran Mustafi. And while at first glance that might look like a lot of money, with the sales of Wellington Nem and Serge Gnabry, that results in a NET spend of only £88m! It’s almost like they’re printing money! Besides, it’s much better to talk about net spend than spend, and given the on-pitch results, especially lately, I think all Arsenal fans have a right to be happy with the players who have come in. Xhaka especially has been a revelation, right?

All fans have a right to their own opinion, but I think we can all agree that this season has been especially great! Just a few more weeks until we see Arsenal finishing up a league and FA Cup double and adding two more pieces of silverware to a dust-free trophy cabinet!

Best! Season! Ever!

The Short Fuse has been taken over today by Cartilage Free Captain, SB Nation's Tottenham Hotspur blog! For the humor-impaired, articles posted today are intended to be parody and do not reflect the views (or even the writing!) of The Short Fuse writing staff.