Stuck Foke: Wherein our fearless dumbasses get pasted by West Ham

Arsenal won 1-0 over the weekend in a decidedly boring and dull match versus Newcastle. We’ve covered that in many places. But what you won’t see getting the coverage it deserves anywhere but in these fine pages is someone taking the time and effort to track Stoke City’s impressive efforts to suck so hard they actually fall out of the competition they’re currently playing in.

And if you’re like me and you’re feeling like popping champagne bottles with every loss of theirs, then break out your best bubbly and uncork a rocket or two off the wall, because our neighbors to the east showed up to the land of toilets and took a heaping shit right on top of their hosts:

Nuts!

Stoke were unfairly punished for a blatant dive by Manuel Lanzini and went down 1-0 on a Mark Noble penalty kick.

But when you’re Stoke and you habitually kick up your opposition sometimes the benefit of the doubt lay with the guy rolling around on the ground. Sucks, but maybe reconsider not being massive dickheads out there, yes?

Marko Arnautovic, playing against his former club, made it 2-0 for the Hammers, who then went on to celebrate the effort like a man who was glad to get the hell out of that place:

Diafra Sakho put the final nail in Stoke’s coffin in the 86th minute with this effort:

Stoke now sit a single point (!!!!) out of the relegation zone, who host West Brom - another club that Tony Pulis let rot from the inside out - this Saturday as both clubs look to kick, slap, and punch their way to maximum points.

After West Brom, Stoke travel to Chelsea, then play Huddersfield, Newcastle, and Manchester United. Here’s to hoping they can continue to sink their way to the bottom of the swimming pool.