Heard this: David Moyes thinks David Moyes is a good manager

God, please.

I promise to never do any sinful things in my life if you find a way to put the Interlull where it belongs: chained up, screaming with a rag stuffed in its mouth, as it falls off the side of a large ship on its journey to the bottom of the sea. I’m serious, there are few things worse than these blank, empty, wind-strewn vasts of hell. Like racism and sexism, for starters. Hatred and intolerance of all people and cultures. The Swiss. Ketchup.

Finding things to write about when players go on to injure themselves, all in the name of outdated nationalistic pride and subtle xenophobia, is difficult. But today brings us a headline so useless, so vapid of original thought and analysis, that it bears sharing with you all:

You don’t say! New West Ham manager David Moyes thinks David Moyes is a good manager? I never would have guessed.

What’s missing here is context, of course. The full quote is:

"It is good for West Ham, they are getting a good manager," he said.

The headline does a complete disservice to Moyes’ quote and inherently brings with it a tinge of “Look at this asshole who’s been fired multiple times and relegated, thinking he’s a good manager!”, followed up with laughter and finger-pointing.

Regardless of context, whatever question was lobbed at Moyes that prompted him to offer up the above, what’s he supposed to say in response?

“You know, now that I think about it, I am quite shit at this whole managing a football club and just as stunned to be sitting here as you are.”

“I tried my hardest to convince West Ham that all I want to do with my life is hanging out in my house, butt naked, listening to Boston’s greatest hits. But they wouldn’t listen to me.”

Anyway, just in case you were wondering how David Moyes feels where David Moyes stands as a manager, you’ll be pleased to know David Moyes thinks David Moyes is top shit.