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Wenger and Mourinho's latest spat is like high school, but dumber

Go sit over there, nerd.

Everyone on earth - no matter where you are, no matter what society you live in - knows that there is a very strict hierarchy when it comes to groups and subgroups, particularly in regards to where those subgroups sit when it’s time for lunch. Or to do work. Or whatever.

The cool kids always sit together, and talk about Cool Kid things - dating, sports, shopping, the troglodytes across the room, whatever else Cool Kids end up talking about. The sort-of-cool kids also sit together, looking longingly at the one cool kid who talked to them in the hall that one day, hoping that the cool kid will notice them and ask them to come sit at the cool table, even for a day.

The anonymous kids sit...somewhere and talk about...stuff.

The nerd kids? They’re all bunched up over in the corner, talking about scifi, fantasy, D&D, and the finer points of whatever Marvel universe movie is big now and how the filmmakers got it all wrong, man.

And all of these things are fine! It’s just that there’s no real crossover with any of these groups - they’re all very closed, self-contained circles that don’t really welcome outsiders, and anyone defined by one of those groups as an outsider knows it.

That is, unless they all get sent to detention.

Well, football has its own hierarchies; the big clubs don't care for the small clubs, and even within the big clubs, there's polarization and stratification. And nobody is better at that polarization than Jose Mourinho; he could walk into an empty room and within seconds the room would turn on him and demand that he never enter it again.

And that's basically what happened last week at a UEFA coaches' conference - at Sir Alex Ferguson's opening speech, there was Wenger, sitting there waiting patiently for the speech to start, and there was an empty seat by him. Up toddled Jose, all happy and friendly, and he said "Can I sit here?" To which Wenger, mindful of the history between the two, largely created by Mourinho, said an emphatic NON, leaving Mou to go sit with the anonymous kids. Again.

WHO'S THE SPECIALIST IN FAILURE NOW, ASSCLOWN? I'M SITTING AND YOU'RE NOT is almost certainly what wasn't going through Arsene's head when he did this, but it went through mine.

Does this matter? No. Is it anything? Not really. Does it give Jose Mourinho more air? Yeah, and for that I'm sorry. It's just hilarious that grown men can still act like junior high school kids.