As we all know, there’s been a fair amount of “should he stay or should he go” swirling around Arsene Wenger in the last few seasons. I’m not here to rehash all those arguments; I am here, however, to say that Arsenal have apparently heard all the rumbling and grumbling, and have decided to do a little something about it.
Arsenal being Arsenal, though, their methods - much like bringing an unheralded Wenger in from Japan in 1996 - are a bit unconventional. They decided, during their visit to Los Angeles in late July, to audition a coach in one of their training sessions, to see both how he would do and how the players would react to him.
I’m sure they tried to keep this initiative under wraps, but video of it was released yesterday, and it’s pretty spectacular.
Some of the highlights of this exclusive training session included:
- The new coach leading the team in singing exercises on the bus and thus “taking them back to a time when they truly enjoyed football”
- As with Wenger, a new coach brought a new approach to training exercises and fitness, including “light twerking”
- A possession strategy that includes “loving the ball”, and a desire to have his players “make friends with (the ball), lie down and have a cuddle with it”
- A bit of fun at the end: working on goal celebrations including the Frying Pan and the Lawn Mower
Asked how he thought the training session went, Corden said “there’s no I in team, but there is me - if you put me in the team, you’ll get results”. There was also the exclusive insight, via several dropped hints, that David Schwimmer will more than likely be Arsenal’s next Vic Akers.
And, most importantly, the players were asked what they thought about their prospective new coach.
“He’s terrible. (He hasn’t got) the right to talk to us about football” - Jack Wilshere
“I think he looks more like a football than he is a football coach” - Kieran Gibbs
“He should stick to singing in a car” - Hector Bellerin
So as you can see, it was a very successful audition indeed; we anxiously await news of Arsenal’s next coaching tryout, and look forward to this new exciting Arsenal era, whoever leads it.