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Some Twitter dunce says West Ham want Giroud

This one’s the best.

France v Iceland - Quarter Final: UEFA Euro 2016
Olivier Giroud is ours and you can’t have him
Photo by Mike Hewitt/Getty Images

Life, in one view, is a series of wants. Once our basic needs are filled, we start looking at things we want - a bigger house, a new car, a nice bike, some cool furniture, a vacation, whatever.

Businesses are not that different - once they start doing what they were set up to do, and once they get good at it, they look at ways to get even better at it. In the case of a football club, that means one of a few things - either improve your facilities, your backroom staff, or your playing staff.

Most clubs start with the last of those - after all, from good results, good things come. And it’s in that spirit, I’m sure, that someone at West Ham said “Hey, we want Olivier Giroud!”. Or, to be more clear, someone on Twitter said someone at West Ham said “Hey, we want Olivier Giroud!”:

Now, as I said earlier, we all want things. I, for instance, want one of two things:

  1. For someone to knock on my door, and when I answer, say “here’s a crate containing $10 million in cash. Where would you like us to put it?”
  2. To wake up one morning and have my beer-built old man body transformed magically, Big-style, into that of an elite athlete

And I am fairly comfortable in saying, with a lot of confidence, that Olivier Giroud going to West Ham is about as likely to happen as are either of the things I want for myself.