Alexis Sanchez: Not for sale, sorry

Modern football is many things, some awesome and some not so much. One of the “not so much” parts of the modern game is the almost incessant buying, selling, and talking about buying and selling of players - whenever a player has 90 strong minutes, the bleating about MY TEAM SHOULD BUY THAT GUY starts, because apparently nobody in soccer has heard of either recency bias or sample size.

But then, there are the legitimately good players that teams always want to buy. Guys that, over time, have proven their worth to their current side so much that almost any other team would pay almost any price to get them.

It turns out that Arsenal have at least one of those players! Juventus recently made an offer to Arsenal for Alexis Sanchez. That sound you heard, no matter where you are, was peals of hysterical, nonstop laughter coming from the Emirates boardroom. Once that laughter subsided, and once everyone had caught their breath, Arsenal looked at Juventus and said “you’re not serious, right? Here, let me validate your parking. Have a good day”, and sent Juventus on their way, after which the entire Arsenal staff couldn’t stop laughing for at least an hour.

Then the club sent everyone home early, because nothing in an otherwise ordinary workday could top the utter hilarity of someone trying to convince Arsenal to sell Alexis Sanchez.