As the Russian national team bombed out of Euro 2016, The Short Fuse caught up with former Gunner and Russian national hero Andrey Arshavin for an exclusive interview.*
TSF: Andrey, may I call you Andrey?
Andrey Arshavin: No.
TSF: Ok, umm, I apologize, Mr. Arshavin. Thank you for granting us a few minutes of your time.
AA: I’m glad :)
TSF: Your breakthrough moment was Euro 2008 when you led Russia to the semifinals of that tournament. What do you think is the key for a team, and its players, to progress far in tournaments such as this one?
AA: For people not to forget that they are mere mortals. Some people say that suffering purifies the soul.
TSF: Oh wow. Uh, yeah, I mean, that makes sense, I suppose. Do you think the suffering the Russian national team has been handed in Euro 2016 will prepare them for the World Cup on their home soil in 2018?
AA: I’m not the coach, I do not know.
TSF: Well, surely you’re qualified to give an opinion?
AA: Even William Shakespeare himself could not answer this question with certainty.
TSF: Ok. Fine. Whatever. Are you disappointed in the actions of Russian fans in France surrounding this tournament?
AA: Globally speaking I’m for world peace.
TSF: Well, that’s good. Do you have anything else to say to Arsenal fans before we let you go?
AA: I think that even a donkey will be able to cook this dish :) But seriously, what’s so difficult about it? Just take a couple of eggs and break them into a pan.
*We did not actually catch up to him and most certainly did not get an exclusive interview. BUT these answers are all real life Andrey Arshavin quotes from his legendary Q&As. He is the greatest.