Good news! Mesut Ozil, the man who has produced so many gorgeous assists on the field for Arsenal, will be available online to assist YOU, courtesy of Arsenal’s twitter feed:
Have a problem that needs fixing? Tweet us using #AssistMeMesut and we’ll see if @MesutOzil1088 can help you sort it out pic.twitter.com/eo33r9ZQ1z— Arsenal FC (@Arsenal) November 2, 2016
Granted, they don’t specify just what Ozil is supposed to be assisting with, or what might fall under his area of expertise, so presumably anything goes. Need financial advice? Having relationship woes? Trying to fill the constant gnawing sense of emptiness you have inside? Then ask Mesut Ozil!
Whatever, hopefully Ozil is as good at twitter assists as he is at soccer assists. And if not, honestly who cares because he is really really good at soccer.
By the way, if by some extraordinary circumstance you cannot think of any problems in your life for Ozil to assist you with, I suggest the following: “I’m worried my soccer team’s no. 10 might leave, since he hasn’t signed a new contract with the club.”
Hey, it’s worth a shot.