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Cannon Fodder: offseason

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Welcome to the first week of the offseason.

I'm going to call him Scarfhead
I'm going to call him Scarfhead
Shaun Botterill/Getty Images

Ah, the offseason. A time to rest and recharge one's batteries. Unless you are a professional soccer player, that is, when there's tournaments, post- and pre-season tours, and all sorts of other things to keep you busy. What's going on 'round the big wide soccer world?

ENGLAND:

After finally completing a permanent move away from title-winning club Chelsea, Everton's Romelu Lukaku wants to move to a club that wins trophies because for him "it's time to win trophies".

Christian Benteke wants Champions League football. Liverpool want Christian Benteke. Do you want to tell them, or should I?

Liverpool co-owner Tom Werner is to meet with manager Brendan Rodgers this week. In light of his team's struggles, it's thought that Werner will offer Rodgers the hitting coach position with the Red Sox, with an eye towards making him the manager at the end of the season if John Farrell continues to struggle.

Highly touted Chelsea youth player Ruben Loftus-Cheek made an appearance in Chelsea's friendly against Sydney FC, but Jose was none too happy with the young lad's effort (or lack thereof).

WORLD:

The Women's World Cup kicks off next week, with the US women's first match on June 8 against Australia. Their final tuneup was on the 30th, against South Korea, and it was...uninspiring.

All you'll need to know about the WWC is collected here, thanks to the mothership.

The fun never ends! Sepp Blatter's main lieutenant, Jerome Valcke, has been implicated in a bribery scandal that Sepp Blatter was in no way ever aware of or did ever condone, no sir, because Blatter's way above that sort of thing, just trust him. Why trust Blatter? Because he's the president of everybody!

It's OK, soccer fans - soccer will be fixed soon. The Royal Family are on the case.

Good news, FIFA! It's not just you! The Brazilian FA is also undergoing a corruption investigation!

Soccer is corrupt. Soccer has always been corrupt. That's just part of the game, apparently. Not sure I buy that, but still.

MLS/US:

It was an exciting weekend in MLS, as both Portland and Seattle won their games late - Portland with the last play in extra time, and Seattle just as extra time started.

The CONCACAF Champions League draw was held yesterday, and Seattle drew a tough assignment, being grouped with CD Olimpia of Honduras and their Cascadia rival Vancouver Whitecaps. The Galaxy, Real Salt Lake, and DC United all avoided each other in the group stages.

Canada was thinking about taking on a few NASL expansion teams. Instead, they're going to form their own league at that level.