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Arsenal 1-3 Monaco: Rainbow Road Is Where You Go When You Die

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[screams internally]

"no wait, come back"
"no wait, come back"
Clive Mason/Getty Images

0-1 Kondogbia 38'
0-2 Berbatov 53'
1-2 Oxlade-Chamberlain 90+1'
1-3 Ferreira-Carrasco 90+3'

That was certainly one of the least fun experiences I've had in a while.

Arsenal started out looking pretty good, but had an engine suddenly catch fire shortly before the half when everyone in the midfield forgot what "defense" is and Geoffrey Kondogbia banked a shot in off of Per Mertesacker, who was at least trying to do his job. Then not long after halftime the rest of the engines caught, when everyone on the team forgot defense (a running theme!) and Dimitar Berbatov scored on the counter, which a sentence I didn't think I'd be writing today. Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain appeared to have guided the plane into as safe a crash-landing as you can hope for with a late goal, but then that pesky "what is defense" thing happened again, and Yannick Ferreira-Carrasco gave Monaco a third away goal. I think by my metaphor, that was another plane landing on top of ours and exploding. At least it'll be more fun when we win 4-0 in Monaco, I guess.

Your song is horrible. Enjoy.