In the highly-publicized interview Arsene Wenger gave to L'Equipe that was published last week, he touched on the whispered rumors of rampant doping in soccer:
"I try to be faithful to the values that I believe to be important in life and to pass them on to others," Wenger told L’Equipe. "In 30 years as a manager I’ve never had my players injected to make them better. I never gave them any product that would help enhance their performance. I’m proud of that. I’ve played against many teams that weren’t in that frame of mind."
This quickly caught the attention of The FA, who wanted to speak with Wenger regarding his suspicions.
By the grace of luck and networking, we here at The Short Fuse were able to obtain a copy of the transcript from that meeting in exchange for the Mathieu Valbuena sex tape (Don't ask us how we got a hold of it. By that, I mean ask Phil how we got a hold of it).
Below is the actual conversation, in all of its accurateness:
Thank you very much for you time, Arsene.
It’s my pleasure, Greg. You said you wanted to speak about my interview with L’Equipe?
If we may?
Yeah, absolutely. What is it you want to know?
You mentioned in your lovely interview that you’ve long suspected competing clubs to be dirty.
OK. So, on a scale of 1-10, how likely is it that Chelsea’s doping? And by that, I don’t mean how many dopes are at Chelsea.
Would you say 10? Maybe error a bit on the conservative side and say 9.7?
I mean, I don’t know. I’ve my suspicions on every club, to be honest, and they’re --
Would you say, Arsene, that Jose Mourinho looks like the kind of guy who would administer a doping program? He has that look to him, yeah; surely you agree?
Well, no. We’ve certainly had our disagreements, but I’m not here to specifically implicate a person or club.
That’s nice of you. Tell me, do you trust a club that’s run by Roman Abramovich? His criminal and fraudulent history prior to, and after buying, Chelsea is well known.
A wide-scale doping program would be one of his least-egregious acts of asshattery.
I...suppose? But it –
That’s enough evidence for me today, Arsene. You’ve been a massive help in our #campaign into the doping program at Chelsea.
I thought I was brought in here to speak about doping as a whole?
Now on you go. No more questions! Have a great day!