The Bloody Cannon: A Beginner’s Guide to the players of Arsenal F.C. - Petr Cech

This is the first installment in a series of Arsenal Football Club player profiles that I am creating.  The articles are aimed at fans who are either new to the Gooners or new to the game.  Read, comment, compliment, ridicule, enjoy.

The Slovakian International and Academy graduate arrived at Highbury on June 29, 2015 for a transfer fee of ten million pounds.  In a deal that can only be described as a coup for the Gunners, the former Chelsea man looks to take up the torch from standout goalkeepers Lukasz Fabianski and Wojciech Szczesny.  Known for his steady, stoic, and mistake-free football, Cech should claim the #1 jersey and seamlessly slot-in to an already stalwart backline.  Finally given his chance with a big club, the young-ish goalkeeper looks set to prove the naysayers wrong and prove that he can play at the highest level. In an idiocy only reserved for Tottenham fans, Chelsea manager, Jose Mourinho, chose the inexperienced Thibaut Courtois over the world-class Cech last season.  An incomprehensible move, it is like someone choosing a Trappist Trippel over a sixer of Bud Light Lime when given an option.  Look for Petr Cech to lead Arsenal to at least the group stages of the Champion's League in the 2015-16 campaign.

Wenger Quote: "We have had a recent "golden era" in goalkeeping at Arsenal F.C. and I see Petr maintaining the high standards set by his predecessors.  My bookie says the signing is ten points gained, I say fifteen.  With an outfield squad of devoid of any needed additions, I would have paid thirty million for his services."

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The Short Fuse has been taken over today by Cartilage Free Captain, SB Nation's Tottenham Hotspur blog! For the humor-impaired, articles posted today are intended to be parody and do not reflect the views (or even the writing!) of The Short Fuse writing staff.