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Arsene Wenger's attempt at busting the slump

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The Arsenal boss tries an unconventional method at resurrecting the quickly-fading season

Martin Rose

(sitting in his office before training today, muttering to himself)

50a12a43ee0ad_medium Last night wasn't fun.

50a12a43ee0ad_medium These players aren't responding to the training and coaching like I thought they would.

50a12a43ee0ad_medium I've tried everything I could think of to shake them out of this prolonged slump.

50a12a43ee0ad_medium I swore to myself I wouldn't implement this, but you know what they say about drastic times calling for drastic measures.

/reaches into his pants pocket, grabs contents of pocket

5419e9500d886_medium

50a12a43ee0ad_medium I'll crush these beauties into a fine dust and slip it in the squad's Lucozade bottles.

50a12a43ee0ad_medium Telling them to get their mind right hasn't worked, so I'll just let Miss Molly help them out.

/one hour later, on the training pitch

50a12c7ecd622_medium Lads, are any of you really horny right now?  I just, man, like, I want to make love to the world!

50a12c674cd08_medium I can't feel my bum knee, but it's all good because I want to roll around with that cute blond staring me down from over there.

5419ec3b4c7cd_medium

50a12c674cd08_medium I swear, if she shoots me Come Fuck Me eyes one more time...

50a12c49e78a7_medium #aha #erection #sex #funnyfeelingdownthere #heidiklum #heidiklumsexpanther #ifeelgreat #notimetowaste #sorrybutitfeelslikeimondrugs #whoopsmybad #dizzy

5419eed6868dd_medium I have "Blurred Lines" stuck in my head...which is INCREDIBLE.

5419eed6868dd_medium ♪♫ I KNOW YOU WANT IT, I KNOW YOU WANT IT, I KNOW YOU WANT, BUT YOU'RE A GOOD GIRL, THE WAY YOU GRAB ME, MUST WANNA GET NASTY, GO AHEAD GET AT ME ♫♪

50a12c32645ef_medium Not sure why everyone's tripping, this feels like any other normal day to me.  But damn, that whistle 'round the boss's neck looks extra shiny for some reason.

5419f1ff84b24_medium /wandering around, naked, apologizing to everyone for being an incredibly sexual human being

50a12a43ee0ad_medium Alright, team, pull your pants up and let's talk 4-1-4-1 again with our new minds and attitudes.  Who's ready to train?

/everyone's off being far too sexual with inhuman objects to listen to Wenger

//loses to Aston Villa 47-0 on Saturday