Arsene Wenger's attempt at busting the slump

(sitting in his office before training today, muttering to himself)

Last night wasn't fun.

These players aren't responding to the training and coaching like I thought they would.

I've tried everything I could think of to shake them out of this prolonged slump.

I swore to myself I wouldn't implement this, but you know what they say about drastic times calling for drastic measures.

/reaches into his pants pocket, grabs contents of pocket

I'll crush these beauties into a fine dust and slip it in the squad's Lucozade bottles.

Telling them to get their mind right hasn't worked, so I'll just let Miss Molly help them out.

/one hour later, on the training pitch

Lads, are any of you really horny right now?  I just, man, like, I want to make love to the world!

I can't feel my bum knee, but it's all good because I want to roll around with that cute blond staring me down from over there.

I swear, if she shoots me Come Fuck Me eyes one more time...

#aha #erection #sex #funnyfeelingdownthere #heidiklum #heidiklumsexpanther #ifeelgreat #notimetowaste #sorrybutitfeelslikeimondrugs #whoopsmybad #dizzy

I have "Blurred Lines" stuck in my head...which is INCREDIBLE.

♪♫ I KNOW YOU WANT IT, I KNOW YOU WANT IT, I KNOW YOU WANT, BUT YOU'RE A GOOD GIRL, THE WAY YOU GRAB ME, MUST WANNA GET NASTY, GO AHEAD GET AT ME ♫♪

Not sure why everyone's tripping, this feels like any other normal day to me.  But damn, that whistle 'round the boss's neck looks extra shiny for some reason.

/wandering around, naked, apologizing to everyone for being an incredibly sexual human being

Alright, team, pull your pants up and let's talk 4-1-4-1 again with our new minds and attitudes.  Who's ready to train?

/everyone's off being far too sexual with inhuman objects to listen to Wenger

//loses to Aston Villa 47-0 on Saturday