The Short Fuse Glossary 3.0
Here at The Short Fuse, we decided it would be a good thing to put together a short glossary for members both new and old to refer to when the jargon and the inside jokes start to come thick and fast. Also, don't hesitate to ask if things come up in threads that make no sense. - Ted Hardwood
The Short Fuse Glossary was originally compiled in 2012 by writer/moderator Ted Hardwood. In 2013, it was updated, and now it shall be updated once again. I would like to thank Ted Hardwood for originally taking the time to write this Glossary, the fantastic writers of The Short Fuse, as well as the TSF commentarate.
Ashburton Grove, The Grove - The full name for the Arsenal Stadium in absence of any naming rights.
Famous Back Four - Lee Dixon (RB), Tony Adams and Steve Bould (CBs), Nigel Winterburn (LB). An impenetrable, offside-trap-working miracle of a back four; basicallyArsenal's defense from 1988 until 2000, unbroken.
Gunner - The nickname for players of the club; "Gooner" is often used for supporters.
Highbury - The Arsenal Stadium from 1913 to 2006. Marble and Art Deco.
Invincibles - The Arsenal team that won the 2003-04 Premier League without losing a single match. Went 49 straight league matches in a row without losing overall.
Woolwich - The southeast London borough where the Royal Woolwich Arsenal formed their football team and joined the football league in 1886.
Arsenal Players alternate names
Coq, Le Coq - Francis Coquelin.
Jack the Lad, Future Captain Jack- Jack Wilshere.
Kos, The Boss, Mertescielny - Laurent Koscielny; Mertescielny refers to the both of Mertesacker and Koscielny, together.
Mert, Mertestriker, BFG, Mertescielny- Per Mertesacker Mertescielny refers to the both of Mertesacker and Koscielny, together.
Ox, OC, Gibbs - Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain; for Gibbs, see Marriner'd below.
Tommy, The Little Mozart - Tomas Rosicky.
Unlucky Theo, Invisible Theo - Theo Walcott; Unlucky Theo is a name from The Tuesday Club podcast.
Verminator, Verm, Vermaulen, TV5 - Thomas Vermaelen.
Woj, Szcz, Chesney, Chezzers - Wojciech Szczesny.
Welsh Lightning, Prince of Wales, Rambo - Aaron Ramsey.
Lego Hair - Mikel Arteta.
OG, Oli, Jude, Djourou, Shawn Spencer - Olivier Giroud.
Jenks, Corporal Jenkinson - Carl Jenkinson.
Ryodinho - Ryo Miyaichi.
Montreal - Ignacio "Nacho" Monreal.
Ox - Kieran Gibbs; See Marriner'd.
Lt. Serge, Gnarby, Gunnerbee - Serge Gnabry.
Injured - Abou Diaby.
Umlaut, Fish Eyes, Avatar Eyes - Mesut Özil.
FlimFlam, Flameo - Mathieu Flamini.
Cachai - Alexis Sánchez.
Calum 36, Calum Chambers of Secrets - Calum Chambers.
Le Prof - Arsène Wenger.
Silent Stan, Silent 'Stache - Stan Kroenke.
Thierry Henry - aka The King; scored 228 goals in eight and a little bit seasons; perhaps the greatest all-around striker the Premier League has known.
Dennis Bergkamp - aka God. Divinely skilled shadow striker who did things with footballs that basically would not be possible for others.
Robert Pires - aka Super Bob. French outside midfielder who, once he got going, was devastating on the left. Won PFA Player of the Year.
Tony Adams - aka "The Doctor of Defence" (--Arsene Wenger). 672 appearances at heart of defense in 20 years for one club. Captain. England center back for years and years.
David Rocastle - superbly gifted outside midfielder. Died very young of cancer.
George Graham - center half and then manager of the team that won the 1989 and 1991 Leagues.
Liam Brady - Irish midfielder, heart of FA Cup-winning sides of the 1970s. Former Director of Youth Development for the club.
Charlie George - scored the winner against Liverpool in the 1971 FA Cup final to win the club's first double.
Pat Rice - Joined Arsenal as a youth in 1964; aside from a four-year stint with Watford in the 80s, he never spent a day at any other club from 1964 until 2012. That's 44 years of service to the Arsenal.
Ted Drake - Still holds the record for most goals in one league game with seven againstEverton in 1935. Flew airplanes in WW2, or else he may have scored more than the 124 goals he did for Arsenal.
Cliff Bastin - Scored 150 goals for Arsenal, which was the record until Ian Wright broke it in 1997. Would have had more, though, if not for WW2.
Ian Wright - Poacher extraordinaire.
Herbert Chapman - Left Huddersfield to become manager of Arsenal in 1925; made the club a Big Club, and then a Top Club. Innovator.
Arsène Wenger memes
Did not see it - Wenger sometimes claims not to have seen controversial incidents during matches.
Top Top Quality - Wenger is insistent on signing only the best for a team in the Top Club Club.
Like a new signing - Whenever journalists ask Wenger about planned additions to the club, he will usually refer to long-injured players and remark that upon their return to health, they will function "like a new signing". Sometimes abbreviated as LANS.
Watch out water bottle - Wenger kicked a water bottle rather impressively during a poor match against Manchester United.
"Maybe we will have a surprise for you" - What Arsène Wenger said shortly before signing Mesut Özil to the team on deadline day of the summer transfer window in 2013.
Significant Arsenal Events on the blog
The Great Fullback Crisis - During 2011-12, Arsenal were forced by injury to play no fewer than ten different players at fullback throughout the course of the year.
The Statement - Following the 2012 -13 season, team captain and leading goal scorer, Robin van Persie, published a personal statement criticizing the club in order to secure a move to Manchester United where he could both win titles and make more money.
Negative Spiral - Part of a statement made by Andre Villas Boas, manager of Tottenham, after Spurs had defeated Arsenal in the spring of 2013. Arsenal immediately went into an incredible streak. Said streak included a victory over Bayern Munich in Germany (Bayern would advance on away goals and win the Champion's League), 11 consecutive games undefeated to conclude the season and knock Spurs into fifth, and then start the 13-14 season as the best team in England. While Arsenal did not end up winning the Premier League that season, they did succeed in winning the FA Cup and finishing 2 places and 10 points above Spurs.
"I’d like to say it’s a shame but it’s not really" - Theo Walcott on Spurs finishing in fifth in 2013.
Theo Walcott 2:0 - During an FA Cup match against visiting Tottenham, Theo Walcott tore a ligament in his left knee and had to be stretchered off the field. As he was carried out of the stadium, he was taken past the visiting fan's section. Walcott decided to troll the Spurs fans by lifting both hands up and using them to display the score, 2:0.
General things you will see on the blog
Boris Becker ITK - One time, German tennis legend Boris Becker tweeted that Robin van Persie had changed his mind and signed a new deal with Arsenal. How he knew this, nobody knew, but nobody cared. Boris Becker, #1 source for all Arsenal transfer news.
CLUB IN CRISIS - If an Arsenal player so much as drops a chip on the floor, the tabloid press headlines will vociferously ask "IS ARSENAL IN CRISIS?!!!1!!!11!!!" Thus, whenever things are going right or mildly wrong for the club, TSF readers usually will chime in with the above. Alternatively, "WegnerOut" may be used to the same effect.
/danago'd - Refers to one-time community member danago, who often made claims to player and team knowledge he couldn't possibly have had and made claims to tactical knowledge researched and proven in video games. Referred to others as "kid". Thus, if a member comments about something they feel will work because it has in virtual space or in the past, the usual reply, in good humor, is the above.
Golden Corral - During the 2011-12 Great Fullback Crisis (see below), Arsenal made plans to replace the right back position with a Golden Corral restaurant franchise.
pelanty - Simply refers to a penalty kick. Refers to Christopher Roland Waddle, ex-Tottenham Hotspur, who during match commentary yelled out the word "PELANTY" when a penalty was awarded.
Piers Morgan - Arsenal "supporter" and CNN "anchor", "Journalist", hack. Don't listen to a damn thing he says. He is evil and wrong.
St. Totteringham's Day - Refers to the day during the season when it becomes mathematically impossible for Tottenham to finish higher than Arsenal in the league.
Top Club Club - Related to CLUB IN CRISIS; refers to the debated, but not really debatable, status of Arsenal as a "top club" (or somtimes "big club"); the Top Club Club is a club for only the coolest of Top Clubs.
6 Weeks - reference to how complications seemingly always occur to injured Arsenal players, thus turning 6 weeks into 6 months. See Diaby.
90 Seconds of Research - Or just 90 Seconds. Used to mock someone for making an incorrect statement where misinformation could be easily avoided by a quick look on the internet.
Umlauts - Umlauts are used in the German language on vowels. Özil has one in his name. You can type one using Alt + 148 or you could use copy/paste.
Överhappy - From a translation mistake made by Mesut Özil on twitter.
"Aha!" - Lukas Podolski, general team clown, has his own personal noise.
Celebrity Death Watch - There is an odd coincidence where, every time Aaron Ramsey scores a goal, a very important political figure or celebrity usually dies. This would include Whitney Houston, Muammar Gaddafi, Steve Jobs, and Osama Bin Laden, among others. This is alternatively known as The Curse of Ramsey.
Happiness, Peace, and Pancakes - From a mistranslation of a tweet by Per Mertesacker
/Throughballed - This phrase came into existence when one of the commentators accidentally posted the sentence "Does everyone remember how many thru balls Ozil sent Walcott in that first game" 12 times. How did it happen? He pressed and held 'Enter' to post his comment and a string of them appeared. So, whenever anyone makes a similar mistake, they have been /throughballed.
ELITE STRIKER VENDING MACHINE - A machine that seems to exist in the minds of people who wonder why Arsenal don't just sign the best players on the planet whenever they want to. As in "Arsenal can't just drop money in the Elite Striker Vending Machine and grab whatever falls out".
PBFC: Pigeon Badge Football Club, a name coined by pdb for that other team in North London.
TSF Membership Perks - These are nonexistent perks for people who have paid a nonexistent membership fee. Perks tend to include the TSF jet, a refund, among other things. Of course, like all SBNation blogs, TSF is free to read and comment on.
Smoking Jack - On a few occasions, Jack Wilshere has been caught with a cigarette in his hands. This led to a media outrage.
Flamini Tackle - A comment on Flamini's penchant for committing bad fouls. This can also be referred to as Flamini's obligatory yellow. A similar situation exists with Rosicky, though to a significantly smaller extent.
Flamini Will Blind You - During a match against Stoke City, Wilshere received a heavy tackle from one of the opposition's players. Flamini had a few words with said player, and, after the match, it was reported (incorrectly) that the Frenchman had said "Do that again and I will blind you."
Flamini Sleeves - Arsenal has a tradition where all the players match the sleeve length of the acting captain for the match. During a winter match, the team wore long sleeves, but Flamini chose to cut his short. This provoked both an internal and a media controversy.
Marriner'd - In a match against Chelsea, Oxlade-Chamberlain committed a handball in the box. The referee, Andre Marriner, deemed the offense a red card. Except, he gave the card to the completely innocent Kieran Gibbs (the card would eventually, not only be removed from Gibbs, but overturned entirely.) Because the two players are both black, there were wide calls of racism and Marriner was criticized heavily for not being able to tell them apart. Now, Gibbs and Oxlade-Chamberlain are sometimes purposefully (and obviously) switched in comments to mock Marriner. On occasion, Theo Walcott will be included. Other players (along with well known people in general) with darker complexions are sometimes used to mock Marriner about in this manner, as well.
Tattoos - There was once a very off topic thread on people's opinions on whether they agreed with tattoos or not. The thread became very long winded, reaching beyond 100 comments with very little affect on people's stances. Now, whenever there is an off topic subject that people choose to engage in debates over, commentators will mention tattoos to joke about how such arguments can get out of hand.