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The Short Fuse Premier League Preview 2014-15

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There's about to be some soccer up in here, y'all.

we have good opinions of Everton, generally
we have good opinions of Everton, generally
Chris Brunskill

So the Premier League season is about to start, and although Travis already went team-by-team and told you precisely who will finish where, you're not here just for him. (Sorry, Travis.) It's time to absorb the full force of the combined soccer wisdom of the Short Fuse team. Or at least everyone who was able to respond to an email in time.

We're going to pick your top four, your automatic Europa League qualifier, and your unlucky relegates. And then we're also going to pick the biggest event yet to come in this dawning season. LET'S GET TO ALL THE FOOTBALL.

Qualifiers and Relegates

Phil

1. Arsenal
2. Manchester City
3. Chelsea
4. Everton
5. Manchester United

18. West Bromwich Albion
19. Leicester City
20. Burnley

Travis

1. Chelsea
2. Arsenal
3. Manchester City
4. Everton
5. Liverpool

18. Leicester
19. West Brom
20. Burnley

Aidan

1. Manchester City
2. Arsenal
3. Chelsea
4. Manchester United
5. Everton

18. West Brom
19. Aston Villa
20. Burnley

Paul

1. Manchester City
2. Arsenal
3. Chelsea
4. Liverpool
5. Manchester United

18. Aston Villa
19. Leicester
20. Burnley

Ted

1. Manchester City
2. Chelsea
3. Arsenal
4. Manchester United
5. Everton

18. West Brom
19. Burnley
20. Leicester

FBJ

1. Manchester City
2. Arsenal
3. Chelsea
4. Manchester United
5. Liverpool

18. Crystal Palace
19. West Brom
20. Burnley

Thomas

1. Manchester City
2. Arsenal
3. Chelsea
4. Everton
5. Manchester United

18. Queens Park Rangers
19. West Brom
20. Burnley

Predictions, Sane and Otherwise

Aidan

Yaya Sanogo will become the first choice striker for Arsenal's 'big games' by December.

Paul

Instead of making people angry by falling out of contention in February, Arsenal break people's hearts by dropping points to West Brom on the last day of the season.

Travis

Per Mertesacker scores at least five goals this season.

FBJ

Down 2-0 to Chelsea at halftime, Louis van Gaal drops his pants in an attempt to assert his dominance over a spiraling squad. Phil Jones stands up and drops his too because he thinks it's a team-building exercise.

Ted

ANTS!

Phil

Arsenal will land at least one more player in the Spendy Zone™ (over £40m) before the summer transfer window closes.

Thomas

In the Champions League knockouts (yes, I think we'll get into and out of the group), Arsenal will beat a traditional world power after being widely considered underdogs. And Ajax doesn't count.