Jose Mourinho welcomes Cesc Fabregas to Chelsea

RING RING RING

♫ ♪ You're talking to Cesc, baby! You're talking about - ♫ ♪

Oh please do shut the hell up.  Look, I'm going to make this very quick.

Uh-huh.

I don’t like you. I don’t like your hair, I don’t like your tattoos, I don’t like your face, and I hate both of your last clubs.

I believe you’re a shit player, you’re a quitter who runs to higher ground the first time someone ever-so-slightly spreads their legs for you and, on top of it, you lack any sort of leadership a club who wants to achieve the glory that Barcelona and Chelsea are looking to obtain.  What few Arsenal fans you'll have left after this may still love you, but I don't.

Go on.

And because of that, if I had any say in this decision I would be instead calling you up to tell you how quickly I hung up on Darren Dein when that weasel called us a couple weeks ago whoring out your services for an inflated fee, but.

But?

I got overruled.  And this isn't the first time this has happened to me here.  You remember how that turned out, right?

...

So listen closely, Cesc.  You may have an alley upstairs, but you're not here to help me win anything.  You're a glory signing - nothing more, nothing less.  You don't fit in my tactics and plans, and I will bench you much like your "boyhood club" did.

I have nothing else to say to you.

/click