I appreciate a good joke like most others, so I'll start off this celebration with one I just made up on the spot.
Q: Why did the pigeon cross the road?
A: F*ck Tottenham, that's why.
For the 19th straight season, St. Totteringham's Day rears its beautiful head today to remind Arsenal fans that, no matter how low the lows got this season, we - yet again - managed to have a better season than Pigeon Badge FC. Today is the day to remind our lilywhite little brothers of their rightful place in our red shadow.
History has demonstrated throughout the years that mediocre football would have reigned forever north of the Thames if Arsenal didn't make the move to the neighborhood to show the locals living on the swamp how the sport's truly played. Let's not forget the action of then-Liverpool chairman John McKenna, in front of the rest of the clubs in the division before the season re-started following a league suspension due to World War I, when he uttered these famous words:
Seriously, do me a solid and please don't vote for Tottenham's inclusion in next season's First Division. They are shit on a unicycle awful, and reek of cod and uncleaned ass.
Following our cheeky stiff-arm past Sp*rs all those years ago, Arsenal has gone on to prove their worth to the league, the UK, Europe and points beyond, having yet to fail at losing their spot in the top league since that fateful vote in 1919. Arsenal's won countless trophies, produced The Invincibles and built one of the best stadias in the world as a shrine to the club's successful legacy and storied history, incalculable might and financial strength.
Meanwhile, Tottenham used 60% of their Gareth Bale money on Roberto Soldado and Erik Lamela.
While PBFC can be found and displayed prominently on ITV on Spursday nights, they are at their best when Sky Sports' Jim White breathlessly announces another Tottenham transfer brought in well over the player's market value. It is during these times that the faithful PBFC supporter mocks Arsenal for their continual failure on the open market, which always seems to come back to bite them square on their ass at the end of the season. Their recent history of winning transfer window championships, which usually results in DVD's celebrating the annual accomplishment, is only surpassed by their fans' ability to to write and direct killer music videos.
So have at it. Troll the hell away. Let them all know about today. This is our special, little moment of the season to shine our red light down on our noisy, annoying neighbors. Because, today, there are no Tottenham points in the gap this season.
Sing it loud, everyone.