As Arsene Wenger nears his 1000th game in charge of Arsenal, it seems that everyone is coming out with a story about their best moments with him. While most have been good, one scandalous one has surfaced. Apparently Arsene was engaged to Stephany Cohen, a god of the Cat People from the Canis Major System.
As she puts it "Mr Wenger and I were engaged in a previous life...We had a romance when I was Joan of Arc and he was the Dauphine of France." Now, there would be reason to doubt this seeing as how Arsene is in his 60s, but she goes to describe the manager perfectly, stating "He was the same man we know him to be today. Highly intelligent but very stubborn."
She also offered insight to the Premier League title race, championing Manchester City to win the title because her spirit guides have told her so, while saying that Arsenal will not win unless they can come up with a Plan B. This makes sense, Arsenal have needed a second striker to compliment Olivier Giroud and have fallen behind Chelsea and Manchester City in the title race. Expert analysis.
Cohen is not only a god of the Cat People --who have ties to the UK's Labour Party-- but she can also communicate with various alien races, such as the reptilians who are only interested in money and wealth -- most likely City or Chelsea fans.
This romance raises a lot of questions about Arsene's past. What else do we not know about the man who has managed Arsenal for 1000 matches? Which Dauphine was he exactly? Historical knowledge would suggest that the Arsene Wenger we know now would most likely have been Charles VII who was called "The Victorious", whose legitimacy was contested by Henry VI in the same manner that English papers wrote "Arsene who?" when Wenger was first hired.
You think you know a guy, then he turns out to be a man who was king of France in the 1400s and engaged to Joan of Arc, who is now a deity of cat people.