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Little Boy Lost: Van Persie Unhappy In Manchester

How predictable is this?

Because RvP doesn't deserve a photo on TSF, that's why
Because RvP doesn't deserve a photo on TSF, that's why
Michael Regan

Robin van Persie. There are few names in recent Arsenal history that evoke such strong negative reactions - people even sorta felt sorry for Gervinho on some level, sometimes. Why is van Persie so loathed in the red half of North London? Here's why:

"I always listen to the little boy inside of me in these situations - when you have to make the harder decisions in life. What does he want? That boy was screaming for Man United."

But here's the thing about little boys. Little boys want EVERYTHING, because they don't understand the notion of "consequences", nor do they realize that the grass isn't always greener. Stupid kids, not understanding metaphor. Anyway, RvP twatpanted his way out of London to go win stuff at Manchester United, and to many Arsenal fans' consternation, he did just that last year, winning a championship in his first season at the club. Everything's great, right? The little boy couldn't be happier, correct?


Turns out things aren't going so well for the little boy this year - Manchester United are crashing back down to earth in a hilarious fashion, and to add insult to injury, Robin says:

Our fellow players are sometimes occupying the spaces I want to play in. And when I see that it makes it difficult for me to come to those spaces as well.

That's quite the tactical statement, right? He went on, though:

unfortunately, they're often playing in my zones. I think that's a shame.

Seems that other players have the temerity to run around the grass in the same places where the little boy does, and that makes him very, very sad indeed. So sad, in fact, that he's said to be "considering his options" as this season goes on. Here at TSF, we are nothing if not helpful as people consider their options, so here are a few options the little boy might want to consider:

1. Suck it up. You made your choice, now live with it.
2. Retire, commit to an ascetic lifestyle, and live in a cave somewhere

Yep, that's all I got. I'm not one to hold grudges except in rare cases, but once the inevitable "should Arsenal get him back" discussion starts, I have to admit to being conflicted here - he's a good player, but he's not as good as his behavior seems to indicate, and I'm not sure what effect his return would have on the club.

He wasn't, shall we say, the best of teammates, and I'm not sure the value he brings on the pitch would outweigh the baggage he comes with off it. If he could be gotten for an ego-crushing next-to-nothing, I'd be open to it; otherwise, take option 1 above and shut up, little boy.