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Dear Jose Mourinho: Shut Your Stupid Face

In which someone tries to fill the void left by Sir Alex Ferguson in the "let's wind people up" competition.

He is better than you, Jose.
He is better than you, Jose.
Ian Walton

Back in the late 90's and early 00's, Arsenal and Manchester United had a capital-R Rivalry.  They didn't like each other, and it showed, both on the pitch and off.  Ferguson's attitude towards Wenger was summed up by such gems as:

I don't expect him to apologize, he's not that kind of person.

They say he's an intelligent man, right? Speaks five languages? I've got a 15-year-old boy from the Ivory Coast who speaks five languages.

He's a novice. He should keep his opinions to Japanese football.

So yeah, no love lost there.  Now, of course, over time that enmity cooled, and there was a mutual respect between the two men as Ferguson neared retirement and Arsenal didn't pose a huge threat to United's title winning ambitions, but for a while there it was ugly.

Now, it seems, blithering twatpile Jose Mourinho has decided he wants to ignite that same antipathy, but as per usual with the nouveau riche he does it without elegance, style, grace, or intelligence.  He just vomits forth and goes on about his day.

Arsene Wenger was asked about the title race, and he said that the title was essentially Chelsea's to lose, which, on the surface, sounds like a compliment, right?  Or at least an acknowledgement of a rival's strength? He went on to say that it's Chelsea's to lose because Chelsea is in front and "only the other teams can win it", and if Arsenal's title rivals don't win, it's down to a "fear of failure".

Jose, upon hearing this, promptly lost his nut for some stupid reason, and decided to turn his verbal artillery on Arsene Wenger, saying:

He is a specialist in failure. I'm not. So if supposing he's right and I'm afraid of failure, it's because I don't fail many times. So maybe he's right. I'm not used to failing.

But the reality is he's a specialist because, eight years without a piece of silverware, that's failure. If I did that in Chelsea I'd leave and not come back.

Okay, look.  I get that rivalries are good for business, and I get that people say things in order to stoke those rivalries all the time.  But usually, those things that are said have the benefit of being, if not 100% true, than at least not 100% grade-A nutty brown bullshit.

For one thing, Jose, this game that you say you're "not used to failing" at?  The game where you have taken several economically advantaged teams and used that economic advantage to win things everywhere you've gone?  Yeah, Arsene Wenger pretty much invented that game for you.  It's because of him that you get to claim that you're the best manager in the game, a game that at every stage has been tilted in your direction by you because you couldn't stomach the thought of building something from scratch, and you'd rather start your Monopoly game by already owning Boardwalk, Park Place, and all the utilities.

What's that?  You're going to mention Porto now?  Fantastic!  Let's talk about Porto!  Porto's the richest club in a small league, and they have won the Portuguese League 67 times in its 121 years of existence.  So don't go telling me that winning with Porto was a challenge, because it just wasn't.  And yes, you won the Champions League in 2004, but that doesn't mean you built a squad of plucky nobodies from the streets of Porto and rode your luck all the way to the championship of Europe.  You had every economic advantage, even then, don't make any mistake about it.

Let's add up the honors, shall we?  All trophies, in all competitions, with all teams:

Jose Mourinho:  20 trophies
Arsene Wenger: 15 trophies

I guess Mo's claim that Arsene is a specialist in losing means that Mo's just like every other idiot in the HALLO HALLO WANGER OUT camp, in that "what have you done for me lately I SEE NO SHINY SILVER POTS" trumps all.  What you don't see, Mo, is that, relative to the petroclubs like yours, Arsenal had severe financial constraints because, y'know, they done went and built themselves a stadium that they paid for.

And during all those constrained years, when clubs you managed were spending money like a newly minted millionaire on a trip to Vegas, Arsenal never finished lower than fourth, and somehow managed to make a Champions League final; OH MY GOD WENGER IS SUCH A LOSER. I would love to see Jose manage a team where he can't spend whatever he wants and stockpile great players, and see how successful he is at building something rather than at arriving at something that's 80% built and calling it his.

So, while Arsene may be a few trophies short of your total, that doesn't seem like a "specialist in losing" to me.  That seems like Mourinho is afraid of being knocked off his fucking perch by someone.

It's like the old Ann Richards quote about George W. Bush - Jose Mourinho was born on third base, and he thinks he hit a triple.