After Martin Atkinson blew the final whistle, Jose Mourinho and Arsene Wenger refused to shake hands and instead walked down the tunnel without acknowledging each other. What we haven't known is what happened in the tunnel, away from the TV cameras' scope.
HEY, YOU! STOP RIGHT THERE!
WHAT'S YOUR GODDAMN PROBLEM? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT PUSH FOR?
It was a spur-of-the moment thing. I didn't realize it'd make you upset.
Of course I'm upset! That wasn't in the script! You can't improvise, that's how we get in trouble! I also looked like a fool because you caught me off-guard with that shove!
Trouble, you say?
Yes, trouble, Arsene!
Greg Dyke, we know him, right? Chairman of The FA? He's going to shit once he sees this. He specifically wrote in the script for the match today that we were to confront each other after a rash challenge on Alexis but to refrain from any physical contact.
While it looks good to fans and the ever-important 18-35 demographic the league is trying to capture as its own that we're taking this "feud" to another level by physically fighting, sponsors get pissed when they see this sort of thing. And you, of all people, know it.
I can't lose my job as Chelsea manager a second time. The allusion that Roman and I agreed for me to leave by mutual consent looks good to the public, but I was actually fired.
The FA didn't write the script out for me to create as much disharmony as I did back then. Said the brand was too strong at the time for it to look like a sinking ship within. Gone in a flash, I was. Banished.
I'm not going to let those mistakes repeat itself again, Arsene.
I--I'm sorry, Jose. I didn't mean to cause you any trouble.
/slowly lowers his head, turns, and begins to walk away
/stops and looks back at Jose
...Wait. I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry for being harsh.
/grabs a nearby foot stool and walks over to Arsene, sets the stool down right in front of him and stands on it to get better eye contact
Listen, I--I need to tell you something.
Yes. While working alongside you all these years, I've realized that you give me feelings that I don't get with other managers.
Yeah, like really strong feelings.
/puts his hands on Arsene's waist and slowly starts to move them up and down his side
I didn't know that, Jose. But you know I have a wife, right? That I love her, yeah?
I know, and I'm not trying to break the two of you up. All I want to do is let you know how much you mean to me.
I sit up awake throughout the night thinking about you, wondering what you're doing. I followed your travels and travails in Brazil this summer more than anyone else.
You have a wife, too, yes? What's she say about it?
I couldn't possibly tell her about this. She would be devastated.
Listen, Mou, I don't know what to tell you -
Say nothing! And please, don't call me "Mou." That's what my friends call me. You can call me...
/begins to gently tongue-kiss Arsene
/thinking to himself
Eh...screw it, why not
/furiously kisses Jose back and the two embrace each other for a long time in the dark hallways under Stamford Bridge