Arsene Wenger spoke to the media yesterday to confirm reports that forward Theo Walcott will not be euthanized and will be able to resume a full, productive career following his knee surgery.
"Theo has minor knee issue that will not require our staff to put a needle in his neck as he lay hurt on ground. This is a little bit setback for his otherwise young career, but he should come back better than before," Wenger said to the assembled press. "We didn't put down Eduardo or Aaron Ramsey after they had their legs broken for them, so we don't see fit to listen to other uninformed sources on the internet who claim that Theo will not be the same again."
Wenger then thrusted his hips while making exaggerated motions as if to insinuate sticking a giant needle into an object near his feet. He then tossed his deuces up and walked out of the room.