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Mail: Arsenal turning to Michu and Edin Dzeko if Luis Suarez bid fails

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EXTRA EXTRA COME GET YOUR DAILY TRANSFER RUMOR FIX HERE!

"Gonzalo Higuain, your thoughts."
"Gonzalo Higuain, your thoughts."
Paul Gilham

I love the summer transfer window.  I really do.  It gives me a chance to test out my heart and its ability to handle untold amounts of stress, for instance.  I've always wanted to know how Just for Men works as my head of hair turns from a jet black sprinkled with a hint of brown and red to a patchy graying mess.  Mid-life crises are for the weak, meek individuals who can simply instead follow Arsenal in the summer on a daily basis and get their thrills and chills that way.  Skydiving piss drunk has nothing on waking up each morning to check out the newest and exciting dumpster fire on Twitter from all the go-to Arsenal-related accounts.

That said, in case you needed more prompting to step away from the plane equipped only with a Go Pro and a case of beer, here's the latest names to be suddenly linked with our favorite club: Michu and Edin Dzeko.  Oh, what's that?  You'd rather leap out of a plane without a parachute instead?  Yeah, I don't blame you, really.  If you do, make sure your aim is good enough to land on me as I walk, crying, wondering why I care this much about something that has no idea I even exist.

Anyway, the Mail reports - er, "understands" - that Arsenal have just gotten around to figuring out who else they like in case Luis Suarez is dumb enough to go back in the arms of Brendan Rodgers and pretend as if nothing happened between last season and this season, as if Arsenal's the kid who's dateless two days before prom and is starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel.  They're one more rejection away from asking the lonely Spanish teacher who talks about her cats incessantly.  In this case, Arsene Wenger's already gone through his phone contacts and checked off every name, sadly, and is starting to go through the EPL yearbook to find out who gave enough of a sh*t to sign it to see if they'd go with him to the 2013-14 Arsenal season.

In this case, Michu and Dzeko will probably shrug their shoulders and hope that Wenger's not taking them to Applebee's before the big dance.