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Transfer Rumor Thread V: Assignment: Miami Beach

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In which our intrepid thread author can't be bothered to even feign enthusiasm for the continuation of the transfer season.

I WILL REMEMMMMMMBER YOUUUUUUUUU
I WILL REMEMMMMMMBER YOUUUUUUUUU
Julian Finney

I've compared them to mold, I've said they rob one of one's soul, and yet here we are, barely a month into transfer (and transfer rumor) season and we're on open transfer thread number FIVE. Five? C'mon, people! Soccer's not even being played in Europe right now! Go out! Get some sun! Enjoy the lull! Take a break!

Or, y'know, stay in here, talk about Gareth Bale some more because that never gets old, and wonder when the stupidity will finally end. Well, I guess it ends after August, but that's a whole 'nother month of this ridiculousness. A whole 'nother month of half-assed rumor, speculation, and discussion of why Player X would go to Team Y, what Team Y plans to do with Player X, and lamenting the fact that Arsenal let Etienne Capoue slip through our fingers into the arms of another.

I said the previous one would be the last one, but it was bogging down after two days, so I make no such promises here. If you keep wanting them, we'll keep posting them, because we're heroin dealers and you still apparently have uncollapsed veins. Go nuts.