Stewart Robson Doesn't Know What He's Talking About

There's a lot of former Arsenal players that have said lots of silly things over the past few years, especially as Arsenal have failed to win a trophy for the past 8 years. But few have been as constant and completely off-target in their criticism as Stewart Robson, to the point that the former technical director of Rushden and Diamonds and reserve team manager of Wimbledon was quietly fired by Arsenal Player and replaced by Adrian Clarke.

That seemed to unleash a fury of hate in Robson, culminating in him showing off his world class ability to be a bitter, moronic fool. The mild-mannered Bob Wilson, who probably has never said anything mean to anyone, took Robson to task in February, after Robson, a man who has managed precisely zero Premier League matches said Wenger "doesn't have a game plan."

Here's what Robson said, accompanied with an appropriate GIF:

I hope it [Wenger's exit] is sooner rather than later because I certainly won't miss him because Arsenal have been going down the wrong road for quite some while

To which Bob Wilson replied (oh yeah, Stewart Robson called Wenger a 'dictator' in December):

This is a guy who worked for this club up to a few weeks ago, doing the pre-match stuff on the opposition, who then went to a newspaper, without naming anybody who had given him the so-called facts about him [Arsene Wenger] being a dictator" Today, he's been on every half hour on Radio Five Live, and this is a guy who obviously is a bitter guy because he's no longer got a role or any employment here.

But Robson has outdone himself this month, in his appearances on ESPN FC's Press Pass. Presumably, ESPN have no issue employing Robson, which isn't surprising from an organization that gives talking time to Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless. On May 3rd, in an exercise of lowering viewers IQ, presenter Andrew Orsatti appointed Stewart Robson as Arsenal director of football, an appointment that would result in me approaching the Emirates Stadium with a pitchfork and torch.

Robson's first response was "I have to work with the manager. I'm not sure if I could work with Arsene Wenger". He would thus appoint Juventus manager Antonio Conte as Arsenal manager because Robson "can almost see the move they're going to play before they play it".

It's a real shame Robson's prescience hasn't been used in a managerial role, but I guess Serie A clubs would hesitate to appoint a man who's only professional managerial experience came as a caretaker for Southend United (record: Pl 3 W 1 D 0 L2).

Robson would then bring in a strong centre back because "Vermaelen is going to go, there's no question about that, that's on the cards".

Did the knowledge of that move come from the same source who said Bould wasn't talking to Wenger, Stewart?

Robson would bring in Schalke centre back Joel Matip, who is a "good player".

Expert scouting, that, Stewart.

"They need a strong centre forward, better than Giroud, who's going to take them to the next level".

I don't really disagree with that. Giroud was fine, and he's a useful piece, but he misses a lot of chances. Someone who's really good would be nice. Now granted, this was filmed on May 3, but a bunch of good strikers were being talked about at the time. So, who's it going to be, Stewart? Higuain? Lewandowski? Cavani?

"Benteke's been one of the best in the Premier League this year".

I forgot that Stewart Robson was the reserve team manager at Joe Kinnear's Wimbledon.

Not that Benteke isn't a good player; he is, and he was a very good signing for Aston Villa, but I don't think he's significantly better than Giroud (and this piece does a decent job of explaining that). He certainly wouldn't turn Arsenal into title challengers.

"I'm going to go for a strong midfield player, because that's where they're weak, when they lose the ball they don't have people who can get it back and they don't have people who can run past people with the ball with great determination".

How many times are you going to use people in one run-on sentence?

"I'm going to go with Diame of West Ham".

...

...

Wait...you're serious? WHAT?

Let's break this down. Arsenal lack strength in the midfield. I disagree with that, but that'd take a while, and I'm open to be swayed about this. Next, Arsenal lack "people who can get it back". Guess what, Stewart? Mikel Arteta got the ball back more times than Mohamed Diame! Facts! Finally, they don't have people who can run past people with the ball with great determination". HAVE YOU NOT SEEN JACK WILSHERE PLAY, OR ARE YOU JUST A GODDAMN MORON WITH SPIT FULL OF BITTER DRIBBLING FROM YOUR MOUTH? Oh, right.

And you know what's even better? A month later, the self-promoting wearer of terrible suit and tie combinations went on TalkSport and said Wenger shouldn't be trusted with 70m because his recent signings haven't been good enough.

"Over the last two seasons they have spent some money on Olivier Giroud, Lukas Podolski, Mikel Arteta, Nacho Monreal, Per Mertesacker and Andre Santos. They haven't been top class players...Some of the players who he has bought have regressed under him like Andrey Arshavin and Thomas Vermaelen. Nacho Monreal hasn't been a good signing and Andre Santos has been hopeless for them...Per Mertesacker and Lukas Podolski are past their best and Gervinho is another player who they spent a lot of money on and hasn't really come to the fore".

Saying Per Mertesacker and Lukas Podolski are past their best, particularly when Mertesacker just had the season he had, is hilarious. Nacho Monreal hasn't been a good signing? Have you actually watched Arsenal recently? I mean, come on. But saying that the players Wenger has bought aren't top class players, and thus he shouldn't be trusted with 70m when you're own, presumably world class signings include Christian Bentekeand freaking Mohamed Diame is absolutely laughable.

Just look at this guy. He criticizes Arsenal for buying Mikel Arteta, after saying Arsenal should buy Mohamed Diame. Oh, what's that? Oh, Robson was on again this weekend? Oh, and he said Arsenal should sell Mikel Arteta, who he doesn't think is good enough defensively (again: DID HE WATCH ARSENAL?). He also thinks Arsenal should sell Per Mertesacker, Gervinho, Lukas Podolski, Tomas Rosicky and Thomas Vermaelen, because none of these players can take Arsenal forward, whereas Diame, Benteke and Matip obviously can.

Right. Presumably, Stewart "Pep Guardiola" Robson would have Arsenal buy Steven N'Zonzi and Ryan Shawcross to replace them because Stewart Robson is a goddamn moronic fool who's been dribbling crap out of his mouth ever since he was fired by Arsenal TV, but thinks he should be taken seriously because he's on TV.

He shouldn't be taken seriously. He's an idiot, who thinks Arsenal should sell Arteta, Mertesacker, Rosicky, Vermaelen and Gervinho and replace them with players like Matip, Diame and Benteke, who are obviously better than the Arsenal contingent because Stewart Robson would sign them. Asshole.