Arsenal In (Legitimate) Injury Crisis

We joke a lot 'round these parts about the various crises that hit Arsenal, because we as a collective group of writers like to lance the boil that is the cliche-driven media as much as possible.  So, any time an Arsenal player hits a bad patch or becomes injured, it's CLUB IN CRISIS time at TSF, because we like to point up how absurd that sort of thing is most of the time.  But today comes news of an actual injury glut/situation/crisis that is legitimately not good.  The headline says it all:  "Giroud, Özil, Ramsey, and Gibbs All Out".  Derp.

Let's go down the list, shall we?  Gibbs has a calf strain, Giroud an ankle problem; Ramsey's out for about three weeks with a calf strain, and Özil is still dealing with the shoulder issue that kept him out of the Newcastle game.  Complicating things further is the fact that Rosicky, Walcott, and Wilshere all face late fitness tests to see if they're able to play.  Add in Nacho and Vermaelen, who were ill, and all of a sudden, we have CLUB IN INJURY CRISIS.

Fortunately for Arsenal's injury crisis, their opponent tomorrow is Cardiff City, or as it's known in Welsh, Crazypants Tan FC.  Cardiff are currently 16th in the league, on 19 points, and have conceded twice as many goals as they've scored.  If Arsenal have to be without a ton of first team regulars, Cardiff's one of the teams against which there's a margin of error for that to happen.

In order to solve Cardiff's problems, Tan has hit on a novel strategy: buy more players whose birthdates contain the number eight, eight being of course a lucky number in many Asian cultures.  If nothing else, this could produce one of the most prolific goal-scoring teams in history, as well as one of the stoutest-defending, as evidenced by the following August-born footballers:

Thierry Henry - 8/17 (1977, sadly)
Mario Balotelli - 8/12 (1990 - just missed!)
Bastian Schweinsteiger - 8/1/84 (BINGO!)
Giorgio Chiellini - 8/14/84 (KAPOW!)
Robin van Persie - 8/6/83 (BOOM SHANKA!)

Fortunately, there's not time to bring these players in before tomorrow, otherwise Arsenal would be in deep, deep trouble.