These are not the actual opinions of SmitsMcKey. This was done in good humor, and I don't actually believe a single word that follows.
No one ever said it'd be easy being a sports fan.
I wish it was.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy heartbreak and despair as much as the next person. But a little bit goes a long ways. And Arsenal fans have had a lot of bit this year.
We know where this narrative starts, and we can probably guess where it's going to finish. But someone has to write it anyway, so I figured I'm the man for the job.
Clearly, we needed a striker last summer. What does Arsene Wenger do? He buys another midfielder. Sure, a very good midfielder, even a great one at times, but still just another midfielder. And not even one that scores goals.
Arsenal's malaise showed on the first day. Maybe it was fitting that I kept falling asleep during that Aston Villa match. Arsenal was too. And they weren't hungover on a friend's couch early on a Saturday morning.
Arsenal won some matches in the league, beating inferior teams. No surprise there. Then they backed their way into the Champions League, losing pitifully to Napoli on their final match day. No surprise there.
Then, in November, they went to Old Trafford and had their asses handed to them. Some people blame the stomach flu that kept out Per Mertesacker and Tomas Rosicky. Well, why don't you ask Michael Jordan what he does when he gets the stomach flu. Wait, I'll save you the trouble: He goes out and scores over forty points in an NBA Finals game. But I guess not everyone is Michael Jordan.
Arsenal managed to win some more league games after that loss. Somehow, they were in first place, probably because it's an off-year for the Premier League. Sure, City was scoring at a ridiculous rate, and Chelsea is worth about as much as the entire state of Wyoming, but are they really good football teams? No one really knows. Because Arsenal was in front of them for most of the year doesn't prove anything, really.
Look at how they played against the two teams: they got walloped at the Etihad, and people blamed the refs, probably because no one had the stomach flu. Chelsea played a masterful game against Arsenal at the Emirates, and came away with a hard-earned point. I don't think I need to say too much more about comparisons between the three teams. It's pretty clear what's going on here.
Arsenal can't beat top opponents. They've never been able to. They have a losing mentality. Once you get a losing mentality, how do you get rid of it? Look at the New York Knicks. They've been lovable losers for decades now. There's no light at the end of their tunnel. Players know, when they show up at Madison Square Garden, that they're playing for a losing team, that they are suddenly underachievers. How do you think that makes a player feel? Certainly wouldn't give them confidence, would it?
So there's that issue. Then there's the injuries. I just don't understand it: Why does Arsene Wenger keep buying fragile, injury-prone players? Just like the losing aspect, injuries are mental. Certain players just aren't tough. They don't have what it takes to play at the professional level, they can't play injured, they can't get back into shape. I mean, look at Bill Walton. Do you even remember that guy? I don't, he was injured all of the time. Fragile. But Brett Favre? Toughest guy to ever strap on a helmet. Cal Ripken, Jr.? I'd take him on this Arsenal squad. They could use the veteran leadership.
It's pretty clear that this team needs to be dismantled, and it needs to start with the "man in charge", Mr. Wenger. What has he done for us lately? Get us to the Champion's League? Does that even mean anything? I don't know of any tangible benefit of making the Champion's League. I think it's just there to make the second, third, and fourth place teams feel a little bit better about themselves. Nobody likes to feel like a loser. Just ask all of the players that have left Arsenal recently.
So what about the young core of players? Clearly, Walcott isn't tough enough to play at this level. Neither is Ramsey, judging by his injury history. Wilshere is in over his head, and, clearly, smoking too many cigarettes. Rosicky is industrious, but unimpressive. Arteta is just old. Giroud might as well not be on the pitch most of the time. And how about that defense? Fine against the crappy clubs, but can they really compete against the good clubs? Clearly not.
So what does all of this mean for an Arsenal fan? I say give up. Throw in the towel. I'd say wait until next year, but why would it be any different? I don't know about anyone else, but I hear there's another North London team that's up and coming. Maybe I'll check them out. I hear they've got a tough, loyal, consistent striker.
Man, wouldn't that be nice.
Again, all sarcasm. I apologize sincerely for the implication I make at the end of the piece; it wasn't easy for me to write, but I think it nicely pulls together the absurdness of most of the statements made.