It ees with pleasure zhat ees great zhat I write to all of you from beautiful Sochi, home of Cold Olympic Time Events. I get letter from Vladimir Putin to visit great Sochi mountain place before start of Cold Events to see for self zee wonder full steel and iron used from my holdings to make structures of greatness.
When I arrive in Sochi town, I receive migrant Nepalese worker as tour guide and I tell him ok first stop ees caviar highway I'm zee most hungry gobble gobble gobble. He take me zhere and I eat many caviar bites off highway road. Zhey taste like beans, he might have pull trick on me and put beans down instead ahead of time because he probably look at belly of round and think I might want to eat first when I arrive. Smart man. No matter, I got to do zee eat thing with mouth and eet make me happy of most.
Next, I climb on back of worker Nepal man and he walk up side of mountain with zee skis so I can do ski time thing. Putin either play trick of dirty and tell me no air suspended snow ride cart thing built for Fun Time Cold Olympics or he want to see me ride back of peasant man while he take picture snaps from secret bushes. We get to top of mountain place and he hand me skis and sticks. I laugh. I tell him no you put skis on your feet and I ride your back down mountain side does it look like I know how to do exercise? So he put skis on feet and hold sticks in snow and I jump on his back. The view on zee mountain is of zee most incredible! As he make turn and twist and lots of grunt noise as he take me down snow side mountain course thing, I get my phone smart out of pocket to read news of zee most important.
And zhere I saw her!
Since you are not as smart as me, you probably not heard about zhis band in USSR called Vagina Fight, but eet has three girls well technically one and a half since one ees kinda cute in a sure I like to explore semi ugly girls on porn site to mix things up and zhen zhere's zhat other girl who look like Alex Ovechkin. I call her Ovi Wan Kenobi behind her back you know like zee robot on Space War movie zhat go bleep blorp blorp bleep bleep bloop and turn head in circle full.
But zee one girl, zee one with brown hair and look like angel figure? I called dibs right on Nepal ski worker person back. She ees mine no takebacks.
I type letter of most fury and quick to her as we make turns of many on slaw limb course and as I avoid head getting hurt bang on blue and red snow sticks in ground I pen letter of most excellence to my dibs angel. I share with you since you are Arsenal fan and show support as I overtake Asshole Stan in lifelong quest to make club most strong and great.
Dear Angel I Called Dibs On,
You are zee most beautiful lady I ever seen. And since I am zee most handsome man who make great monument of steel and iron and have diamond planet eet ees only zee most fit zhat you live with me.
I saw on news of mobile zhat you got out of gulag and are free to have relations with me. I will even go to zhat one museum where you boink man with camera snap machines taking many snaps and have relations with you zhere since you seem to get rocks off from public hump time. You seem to be of most freak so if I get most intoxicate from vodka I will allow blond curly hair band member of yours to partake in relations as long as she do not look in my face. But whatever you do please don't invite that dude who ees in your group to our public museum relation smash time.
I'm currently on back of ski man and when I get back to house of most big I will clear out wing for you so you can live with other ladies I have dibs on. But please no music because offense of none it sound like pack of donkeys getting unwanted business from farmer men.
Yours in Excellence,
Alisher Zee Fantastic