Arsene Wenger Heads To Heathrow: Where Will he Deboard?

Not actual size - Mark Nolan

In the most hotly-anticipated story of the day, oh wow I really can't fake enthusiasm about this

HOT BREAKING NEWS ALERT

Today, Arsene Wenger woke up and decided he'd had enough of London for a few hours. His job is of course little bit stressful, but it's kind of a slow day at the office, and he's the boss, so why not delegate work and get away for a day?  He briefly pondered going to Alton Towers, because he likes a good waterslide, but then he looked at the weather and saw it was only supposed to be about 50 degrees today, so he nixed that idea with an emphatic ZUT ALORS!, because you can't waterslide in a puffy jacket.

Then he thought he might go to Blackpool and ride the Wallace and Gromit Thrill-O-Matic, before realizing that traffic would be a nightmare.  After briefly flirting with the idea of not taking the day off, he thought "wait, I can afford to fly places!".  So he put on his comfy traveling pants, bought himself a new Bucky for the flight, and loaded up on OK! and Hello! magazines at the newsstand before getting on a flight to....

NOBODY KNOWS WHERE HE'S GOING!

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what passes for news in the transfer window.  Arsene Wenger's going...somewhere.  Other players play...somewhere.  Ipso facto, Arsene is going to sign some other player!

And thus, sports fans, does the magic of transfer season extend yet another day.  Tune in tomorrow when we analyze what Arsene Wenger had for lunch to discover clues about Arsenal's next big signing!

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