The never-ending, interminable, for-the-love-of-jebus-can-we-just-get-this-DONE-already Luis Suarez saga took another turn today, when Suarez' camp claimed that Liverpool did in fact say that, if a bid of more than £35 million were tabled from any team not named Manchester United, Suarez could go.
Suarez: YOU SAID I COULD GO FOR £35 MILLION
Suarez: I MAY NOT BE GREAT AT MATH BUT I KNOW £40 MILLION AND ONE IS MORE THAN £35 MILLION
Suarez: WHY AM I STILL IN LIVERPOOL
Rodgers: I have three envelopes. Is your name in one of them? WE'LL FIND OUT AT THE END....
Liverpool PR: Brendan, that was last season. This is a new season, and we need you to convince Suarez to stay, not give him reasons to leave.
Rodgers: Oh, right. Hey Luis! Stay! Please? STAY!
Suarez: I AM NOT YOUR DOG YOU SAID I COULD GO AND HERE I AM NOT GOING
Arsenal: So...wait. The release clause was £40 million, we gave you an offer of £40,000,001, and now the clause is £35 million? Are you sure you lot know how to do this?
Liverpool negotiator: We will now listen to bids in excess of £rocks and not a penny less! Suarez is invaluable!
Liverpool: OH THAT'S IT YOU'VE DONE IT NOW DON'T DISRESPECT US THE PRICE HAS GONE UP TO £purple
Arsenal: (backs away slowly)
Stay tuned for part 3,562,901 of the saga, in which Liverpool demand some expired bus transfers and a 1977 Guinness Book of World Records in order to make a Suarez transfer happen.